Thursday, November 29, 2007

3D Animators are lazy

Yeah I said it. Lazy. The lot of you.

Oh but we work such long hours! We have to work weekends at crunch time!

Maybe if you didn't spend so much time sitting on your asses talking about whatever it is you geeks talk about (is it Warcraft?) or doing poor Ricky Gervais impressions then you wouldn't always be so far behind schedule.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

You don't just get one, do you?

So now I have an exploded head to add to the list. It seems to be easing off slightly, which is nice. But it seems you'll rarely find someone with just one condition. Once you start the whole diagnosis process, it's the beginning of a collection.

Like collecting rare coins.

Only they're never as rare as you thought they were and they won't fetch a good price on Antiques Roadshow.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

More on the exploding head

Bizarrely, it seems this post-coital headache is not uncommon. Who knew? They call it... postcoital headache, among other things. Check out this link for some information on it -

So that link says you can have headaches from sex. But to check the diagnosis, they need to do CT scans, MRIs and MRAs. To check if you're getting a headache from having sex. Seems to me the easier option would be to ask, "Are you getting this headache when you have sex?" I should be a doctor - I could save you thousands. If anyone has any health-related questions, just ask here and I'll sort you out in no time.

On this sex/headache thing, my theory is that someone has deemed us unfit for breeding and has installed this as a safeguard against reproduction. Well, joke's on them - I've already reproduced.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Look Ma! I'm a celebrity!

I got a little bit of publicity with a project I've been working on. Everyone wants to see energy. They're all energy-this, energy-that. That requires serious effort.

Normally, I hate the phone and would starve rather than have to talk to the pizza guy on the other end but, when it comes to interviews, radio is the way to go. That way nobody can read the pain on your face, forcing you to tell the sex/head explosion story.

Everyone's a winner.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It's a Clockwork Orange all over again

I pulled a muscle in my head. While having sex.

Firstly, what the hell do I need a muscle in the back of my head for? I can't lift anything with it. I can't do anything with it. The first time I was even aware of having a muscle in the back of my head was when the agonising pain hit.

And this happens while having sex? Not just having sex - right at the moment of, well, you know... orgasm. No point in beating about that particular bush. Right at that moment, my head suddenly felt like it was going to explode. Hideous pain. I thought I was having a brain hemmorage. I'm pretty sure that's not how you spell that but you know what I mean.

It's been sore ever since. I feel like I'm being punished for having sex. I've been too terrified to try again. Or even crack one off (well, I went with the whole orgasm thing so that pretty much greenlights any topic). I just imagine that moment in Scanners where the guy's head explodes.


Has someone conditioned my mind to punish me when I have sex? I smell a conspiracy.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sharing saliva

Yes, it is different when we kiss. And don't think I'm not aware of it then either. But sharing saliva in drink is just vile.

I don't share drinks.

Or food.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Thing is, I actually know how this happens. I've caused a few of these moments myself. You send your changes in to the storyboard guy. Wait. It's not right, send more changes. Wait. Still not right. Fed up waiting, you decide to just give a note to the animator.

But nobody ever actually gives a note to the animator.

So the scene is animated, and it's completely wrong. Okay, so if you're getting paid by the hour, who really cares? Well, I care. I don't like doing things twice. Ever.

But then who does like doing things twice? Twins? That Two-Face guy from Batman?

Monday, November 12, 2007

"Sing me to sleep..."

We all have rough days. Like, really rough days. We get over it. It's just another day. But, hey, does anyone really tell the whole truth to their doctor? Or therapist? Or anyone else?

You can't, can you? Because they'll think you're mental. They'll take your shoelaces from you.

I like my shoelaces.

"There is a better world. There must be..."

Friday, November 9, 2007

Managing your working day

I'm still at work even though I'm Patient 0 with a deadly hospital superbug. That stinks. So it's important I recognise the few pleasant moments I get during those hours. However, ultimately, I'm at work to make money and pay the bills and so I'm always money-conscious. If you can mix the two, well, that's just spanky.

It makes economical sense to do your number 2s at work. This way, you get paid for it. If you can work out how much you get paid per hour, you can probably easily figure out just how much money you save by doing your business on work time.

That's money saved and therefore money you can spend elsewhere. Like on DS games, for example, to make your worktime toilet time more enjoyable.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Pixar boobies update

Well, word on the street is that the Pixar shorts set has the Knick Knack Sans Mammaries version. So Pixar and distributors have made their position clear in the Great Breast War and have struck a blow against ample bosomage.

But why?

Maybe we'll never know. Poor ol' Russ Meyer will be turning in his grave. Actually I hope this breast remastering doesn't catch on because Supervixens could lose some of its appeal in an itty bitty titty DVD rerelease.

If you are female with large breasts (or, what the hell, even a guy with healthy man-boobs), you are not safe. Pixar wants you eliminated. John Lassiter will stalk you while you sleep. Strike first and strike hard.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Pixar Shorts Collection - with or without boobies?

Just curious.

There's a new collection of the Pixar shorts out on DVD. One of them, Knick Knack (about a little snowglobe snowman), featured a rather large-breasted character. However, when the short was attached to one of their movies (I think it may have been Finding Nemo - they all sort of blend together for me now), the character had undergone a pretty drastic breast reduction for some reason.

I imagine it must have been quite tricky to dig up files from an old short and remove the boobies so someone must have thought it was really important. However, if I were a girl with ample breasts (and, man, how I wish I was) I would find the implication that large breasts was a problem just a tad offensive. There wasn't one other aspect of the short touched. Just the boobies.

What have Pixar got against large breasts? And does anyone know which version this collection contains?

Monday, November 5, 2007

Why most animators are grumpy

97% of animators who have been in the business four years or more are bitter and twisted. That's a fact. Today, I'm especially bitter given that I have this hospital superbug so I thought it would be a good idea to explain why most animators are grumpy and bitter.
I was trained in bitterness right from the start. Animation teachers telling me just who were 'wankers' and why all animated films these days are crap. Back in those days, there weren't really any blogs but now all of these bitter animators have found homes on the internet.

Weird, seeing as most of them can't use computers.

One of the main factors in this bitterness is the slow realisation that their jobs are worthless. Yes, worthless. You see, animators spend their lives honing a craft. Well, some of them. Others just keep on making the same old shit. But those who care, really care. Or did at one point.

But eventually they realise - if you've got a half-decent story, you could draw it in shit on a dead horse's head and kids would still like it. Hell, adults would still like it. People don't care how it looks. Spiderman and his Amazing Friends looked like a pile of crap. As a kid, I thought it was the best thing ever. Now, people laugh their asses off at South Park. Or The Simpsons. Or whatever. You think if an animator spent their life animating these beautifully, anyone would care?

Shit on a dead horse's head.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

I have a superbug

Haven't been diagnosed by a doctor or anything but here's the evidence:
a) I was in a hospital yesterday.
b) I have a sore ear/throat thing today.

What other explanation for it could there be? I have one of thos MRSA superbugs that they breed in hospitals. Not doing too badly with it, all things considered. A couple of paracetemol does the trick. Hopefully I'll survive the night because I have to go to work in the morning.

Friday, November 2, 2007

The world is a scary place

If I was to give one piece of advice for anyone with depression, it would be stop watching the news. The media is filled with fear-mongering lies and half-truths designed to freak the shit out of you. Everyone is looking for the next disaster.

Fact is, even without the scare-mongering, life is terrifying. And not in a Halloween sort of way. A very real way. We live in a world of pain, death, suffering. A world where people drop bombs over others every single day. I've heard depression called the 'disease of the strong' because one of the common factors in a large percentage of sufferers is a sense of responsibility. Some of us try to take on the world's problems and they become our own.

And why shouldn't we? Most people walk around oblivious to the shit that goes on in their name. Only by people opening their eyes to that can we begin to change it. Make things better.

But you can't take on everything.

If the world worries you, stop watching the news. Do what you can, your little bit. Ask some questions, inform someone of some injustice they didn't know about. But stop watching the news. You don't need the corporate leeches driving you into a panic.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Why Halloween didn't feel like Halloween

Because the shops were all packed with Christmas stuff!

It's bloody October! Well, it was leading up to Halloween. When one holiday is kicking off earlier than the previous one, you're starting too damn early. Enough with early Christmas you gougers. I'm taking this to the government. Christmas before November 25th will be outlawed and you'll be sent to Gitmo for a photo shoot if you so much as have one prickly leaf in your shop.

Enough is enough.