The real video nasties

Films that should be banned: Chick Flicks.

Seriously.

Not because they are bad movies. Okay, they aren't my thing but some of them are very well made. No, chick flicks should be banned because they are really, really bad for people. Especially women. They are damaging to women everywhere.

Most, if not all, chick flicks send the message that women need a man. More than that, a needy woman will take any man that shows the slightest bit of interest. The only two requirements a woman needs to fall for a man according to these movies - a) they're needy, b) the man shows some interest.

That's it.

Bridget Jones's Diary: Colin Firth's character is an asshole. All the way through the movie. He's a complete dick. But Bridget Jones feels she's getting old and is needy as she's cheated on by that guy who got a blowjob in a car and Firth then shows a bit of interest and that's all she needs. They live happily ever after. The end.

High Fidelity: Yeah it focuses on the guy but it's totally a chick flick. Girlfriend dumps that 80s guy for being a complete dick (see a pattern?). He doesn't change. What does change is that her father dies. She needs someone and comes back to him. They live happily ever after. The end.

Sliding Doors: Something bad happens to Paltrow (I can't quite remember but wasn't she being cheated on?). Meets an annoying Scottish dick (always a dick). She's needy. They probably live happily ever after, I don't really know as I couldn't stomach that Scottish gobshite.

You've Got Mail: This one's a doozy. She's needy because the guy is putting her out of business. He shows some interest. They live happily ever after. Man, that guy has it worked out. He has learned from chick flicks and actually creates that need himself.

I could go on. They're all the same. Girl is needy. Guy is a dick but shows a bit of interest. They live happily ever after. Is that the lesson we want women to learn? Show some self-respect, girls. Seriously, come on. Most of you are better than that. You shouldn't be watching this crap. They are bad for you. You can do so much better than the stupid-ass girls in these movies. It's not romantic, it's emotional extortion. Or something.

The other effect of these movies is that they show two people who are clearly incompatible getting together and then the movie ends before they show the rows and the inevitible break-up. So it gives totally unrealistic expectations of how relationships work. Women are looking for this movie magic and think something is wrong when they don't get that. Nothing is wrong. That's just life. Life is not those movies.

Chick flicks should be banned. That was the general gist of all this.

Why we need film censors

Censorship can be quite ridiculous. The recent Ren & Stimpy DVDs were cut over here even though they were now being pitched to adults. What was worse, they weren't even offered an adult certificate. The assumption was animation = children. Okay so R&S was on shakey ground as it was initially aimed at children. Still, censorship of it now seems odd.

There was also the video nasty scare of the 80s in the UK. Anyone old enough to remember that? A friend and I were in a video shop for about an hour and forty minutes trying to get the courage up to try to rent a video called 'House of Whipcord' even though we were too young. We chickened out. Just a couple of weeks later we saw it among a bunch of video nasties being pulled.

Man, we wished we had tried to rent it. I must try to track it down now to see if it was any good.

More recently, video games seem to be the new video nasties. But, so far, I haven't seen much that warrants attention. But all through these changes and scares, I see films that should be censored or banned that remain untouched.

Home Alone is one of those films.

Cartoon violence is usually quite funny. Cartoon characters can drop anvils on each other and there's no damage - they're cartoons. They are beings that do not exist in real life. They do not obey real world physics. They do not have the same pain neuron thingies we do and their families won't mourn if they get shot in the face.

But Home Alone did this with real people (okay maybe not shooting them in the face). Bowling balls on the head. You could kill someone doing that. If they survive, they would likely have permanent brain damage. If they're really lucky, they might just have to spend several years learning to walk or speak again while their partners feed them, wipe their asses and so on. Is that funny? Is that something you want in a kid's movie? It's rather hideous.

Films need to show consequences. Especially for children.

Something like Rambo would be better for kids because at least it shows that, if you commit an act of violence, the victim will die in a bloody hell. It's a lesson. Home Alone just revelled in lying to children about the effects their future violence would have. Home Alone is far more dangerous than any horror film, is horribly misleading and should have been banned. That I just don't like the movie is entirely coincidental, honest.

But there is a whole genre of movie that I think should be censored and I'll go into that another time.