They're coming to get me, Barbara!

So there was me thinking that Spambots were mischievous little fellows - as seen in this post.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

On Monday, there was a comment on my post about some cancer thing. I didn't really look at it. I just knew it was spam, and about cancer so I deleted it. Now, I'm a hypochondriac at the best of times. About cancer, well, I'm terrified. As a guy, I have a one in two chance of getting cancer. One in two! That's scary stuff.

So to add a spam comment about cancer on my blog is an attack on all things good in this world. I don't need to be reminded that I'm probably going to get cancer and die.

But then, yesterday, I find three more of the exact same cancer crap in the comments sections of various posts. Well that's just rude. The fact that I deleted the first one should tell you I don't want your spam.

The Spambots are attacking.

Unless it was a real live human who posted it, in which case shame on you, sir. Shame on you.

Seems that lawsuit is coming quicker than I thought

As well as the usual cancer-causing and sterilising waves from mobile phones, Apple's iPhone has the added bonus of containing hazardous compounds. Phthalates in the headphone cord are known to interfere with sexual development. Brominated compounds make up 10% of the iPhone. They create dioxin when burned, which causes cancer (there is no known 'safe dose' of dioxin) as well as severe reproductive and developmental problems.

In short, it's a dangerous bastard and when you feckers throw it away, you're going to be contributing to the downfall of the human race. An over-reaction? Not in the slightest. You only have to look at rising cancer rates across all age groups (especially the young) and rising fertility problems.

That's all aside from the usual mobile phone emission problems.

The Greenpeace report can be found here and you should Google all of the materials they found. Lawsuits are already beginning. And rightly so. You should know about this. You should care. Every single one of you.

Hypochondriacs Unite!

I know I'm not the only person who does this. I have been convinced since my teens that I would die a hideous cancer death. Initially I thought it was the dodgy microwave that would do me in. That may still turn out to be the case but I think now that my fate is sealed by all you gobshites and your mobile phones. The day I can sue for second-hand mobilisation, I'll see you all in court.

As a bloke, my chance of getting cancer is one in two.

1 in 2 (for those of you who couldn't take the time to read it in words).

I have just as high a chance of getting cancer as not getting it. For you ladies, it's one in three. Still high enough to be pretty damn scary. Most form of cancers, you won't even know before it's too late. I could (and probably do) have bowel cancer right now and wouldn't know about it. Especially as a side effect of many anti-depressants is gastrinal bleeding. You could shit blood and think it's just a side effect. Two months later you're dead.

One in two. I'm doomed.