If they give you what you want, is it a bad thing?

It's a question I asked but didn't really give an opinion on in this thread - many people who promise a better outlook or say they can give you happiness or success are just trying to take your money. Money-based cults (or religions if you want to call them that for tax purposes) are a more extreme end but it could be true for people giving seminars or writing books, audio cds or whatever.


If they give you the results you want, does it matter?


Does it matter if they're just getting rich out of it if you walk away happy and successful? Actually I've probably partly answered something there because that question presumes you can walk away. That you're not then paying more and more until you're broke or dead. One of these groups that, to me, seem like a money-hungry cult I wouldn't be so sure about when it comes to walking away. Okay, so someone could throw out the bullshit overused mantra of people who live to shaft other people and say they aren't holding a gun to your head. I don't know that they aren't but, even without that, mental reprogramming, threats of lawsuits and whatever don't amount to free choice.


Does it speak volumes that I'm actually not mentioning them by name? They scare me. And they scare me because I've spoken to them. For hours. And they can be very straight up about the lawsuit tactics, telling me that the idea isn't actually to win a lawsuit. It's to keep it going long enough that they bleed their subject dry and destroy them. For me, that would be about six minutes (I know what lawyers charge).


But, hey, even that particular group seems to deliver on its promises. It does seem to make its people happy. And we know many are hugely successful so it's not just turning them into lifeless sheep. So, in a way, you could say people are getting exactly what they're paying for. Is that wrong?


I knew someone that was in a different group, one that seems to be more of a self-development group (yet calls their top people 'wizards' for some reason and I think is possibly still classes as a cult in Germany - I'd look it up if I could remember their name). I asked about the amount of cash they were taking, because it was pretty damn expensive. I was told that unless people pay for the help, they won't put any value on it and it will mean little to them.


Well that's convenient.


I'd also call it bullshit, personally. If you've got real gems that can help people, give it away. Help even more people.


And then there's the self-help gurus. The Anthony Robbinses and even the nice Dr.Phils. There are varying degrees of these people and some promise to make you a millionaire which sometimes reeks of bullshit too but I have far more respect for these people because they seem far more honest about what they're doing. They aren't classing themselves as religions. They aren't trying to 'convert' people. They're gathering clients. Is that just a difference in terminology? Possibly but I think it's a bloody big difference.


They're running a business. They're making a living and when you go to one of those guys (or girls) or buy one of their books, you do so in the full knowledge of what transaction is occurring. They aren't making up some stupid-ass excuses as to why they aren't giving away their tips, they aren't making out like they have all the secrets to the Universe (well, most of them aren't) and they aren't based on the machinations of a science fiction writer with a documented interest in mind control hiding their dumb-ass alien shit until you're conditioned enough not to laugh your ass off when it's brought up.


What I find kind of weird about the aforementioned group/cult/whatever is that when they take you in and try to suck you in, much of what they show you in the videos or whatever are a bunch of people running a business, using all-business terms in business departments. I can't help feeling if they just came out and said, "okay guys, it's not a religion, it's a business and we're making a fucking fortune but we can actually deliver this, that and whatever", they wouldn't come across as scary bastards.

Or not as much.

For me, I have spent a large amount of money on animation books, a grand on a Cintiq, who knows what on computers, Flash and stuff like that, and stupid amounts on cartoon DVDs.

Paying money to make more of my life. I'm not sure that it is really any different.

But even I'm not going to allow myself to get sucked into the depths of paying a million pounds (or whatever it is) for that 16-DVD Richard Williams set. That's one step too far. That's for the people who have demounced their family and have pledged their allegiance to the Almighty Roger Rabbit or the Great Gazoo or some other crazy deity.

Why Buddhism isn't sitting quite right with me

Mr. Trombley has been educating me in the ways of Buddhism and it sparked me to have a look around to see what else I can find. It does seem like a branch of the whole self-help thing pulls a lot from Buddhism and I'm beginning to think that it's those elements that just aren't sitting quite right with me.

Attachment leads to suffering. Or so the enlightened might tell me.

But what the hell is the point if you aren't attached to anything? Or anyone? Remove all attachments and you're just waiting for death (as well as being a Billy-No-Mates). That won't be long too if you remove your attachment to food and water.

Or is it okay to be attached to those things?

Let's have a look at the Four Noble Truths according to Buddhism from the Big View site. There are many other places you can find these but they seem to amount to the same thing.

1. Life means suffering.

And I thought I was negative.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

Okay, well there's a bit of sense here. If you are attached to something, not having it or losing it will lead to suffering. But... then having it will lead to pleasure. Satisfaction. So this is being a bit 'glass half empty' about it. A bit negative.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

Well that's more like it! A bit of positivity. Let's move forward and see what we can do to end suffering. Oh, you end suffering by "attaining dispassion". Yeah, dispassion. Apparently that gives you "freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas". Well, I like ideas for one thing but it also gives you freedom from fun, love, creativity and, by definition, passion. You know, like slipping into a coma. Coma patients have achieved this third point. Should those of us still awake, still alive, strive for "dispassion"?

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

This point just seems to be a more long-winded version of point 3. Could have really wrapped it up in 3 points. The Three Noble Truths - that doesn't sound too bad, does it? But, in this, we have the word "progress", like striving for the coma-patient ideal is a positive move forward. Having evolved from single cell beings who seem to me to have achieved all of this already, I can't help thinking of it as a bit of a step backwards.

Yeah, this Buddhism thing just isn't for me.

It really sounds like somebody just got really down one day and wallowed in their misery for a bit too long. Like a teenager sitting in a dark room. Nobody loves me, so I'm going to shut myself away from the world and listen to Morrissey, as it would have been in my day. If I feel nothing, nobody can hurt me.

I would call that being ruled by fear. And those four (well, three) Noble Truths seem to be motivated by fear too: fear of suffering.

So I think my response to the Four Noble Truths has to be -

Cheer up, mate. It might never happen, eh?

Now I need help

Here's one area where 'Life Stinks. Now Fix It!' won't help me. It's the 'a' category of self-development - people skills, or how to persuade your fellow man to get what you want.

I have a problem. An all too familiar problem. The, eh, 'client' (not really a client, more of a minority partner in the venture but for the purposes of business, client will do) wanted one thing. I wanted another.

Client wouldn't budge but actually seemed to have some clue as to what they were doing and why they wanted what they wanted so... I agreed to give them what they wanted. Somewhat reluctantly but I made peace with the decision and actually grew to like what it was... that thing they wanted.

You can see what's coming next, right?

Anyone who has been in this business or probably even any business has to know what's coming next.

They changed their mind. Yeah, what they wanted wasn't what they wanted any more. What they wanted became something that was a bit of what they previously wanted and a bit of something entirely different. Like asking for a fine wine, then chucking in half a pint of beer into it in an attempt to hook the beer drinkers. A recipe for success? Or something entirely undrinkable.

And I can't in all good conscience give them what they want. Because what they want is a poxy piece of crap. It's a job I really wanted to do but I have to now talk them round to either what I originally wanted or what they originally wanted or I have to walk away and let it go.

Ah, yes, stuck in the 'giving what they want until they change their minds on what they want' trap. It's all too familiar. This is where I need one of those self-development 'how to shaft your fellow man' books.

Being told how to be better

So my last post resulted in someone getting slapped by strangers (sorry!) and may well have seemed very judgemental to those into self-development and self-help. Okay, so it's not that it seemed judgemental. It was. Or at least it was asking if the case was there for such a judgement.

Although Deepak Chopra would probably tell me that judging is a problem in itself. I don't buy that at all but, in this case, I may have been a little harsh. You know, calling for slappage and all. Truth is, this is an area I'm interested in because I think it could help me. The problem, and the reason for posting about it, is reconciling the idea with my own sketicism and world views.

But my goals don't seem to match the two main areas of self-development.

I've often thought about writing a self-help book myself. A book on life. But I suspect many people looking to these books are looking for a fairly quick fix and it's about personal gain, whether it's how to make loads of money or how to make you're happy. I don't think I could do anything other than tell it like I see it. And that would achieve neither. Or at least, not in the short term.

My book would be about the importance of seeing the negative.

I'd call it - Life Stinks. Now Fix It!

Or: The Power of Negative Thinking.

That's not bad actually. I could see that in bright red letters on a blinding yellow cover. In my simple 6 step programme, you'll learn just how shit your life is and how most of us are in the same crappy boat. You'll learn to let your anger eat away at you until you're ready to release it in one huge life-changing outburst. If you don't end up in prison, you'll be making a better life for others. And when others have a better life, you do too. Life stinks. Now fix it!

What do you think?

I'd also include a bonus chapter -

Learn To Judge Harshly And Recognise Gobshites So That You Don't Become One.

Yes, judging. I think it's important. I don't buy into the idea that we're all divine in the eyes of some creator/God/collective consciousness/whatever because, like the idea of being completely happy as an individual, I just can't help feeling it's a really dangerous idea. It's an idea that seems to go against self-improvement to me, and by 'self' I mean both as individuals and as a whole race. For me, it's important to recognise mistakes or atrocities (the importance of thinking negative) so that we don't repeat them ourselves.

If you tell someone that the 'researchers' of Unit 731 are as divine and beautiful beings as the thousands of victims, what kind of message are you spreading? There is no right or wrong. I can oppress, torture, kill my fellow man and it doesn't matter. Because I am divine and loved no matter what.

No. That's got to be wrong. In fact, I'll include another chapter: Stuff You Do That Makes You A Fuckwit. Just a big list of things that mean you are far from divine, from chucking a cigarette butt on the ground to gassing six million people. I'll cover the whole spectrum. It will be a long chapter but an important one.

I'll go one further with the next chapter - Why The Guy Next To You Might Be A Dick. The importance of being able to say, "Man, that's a shitty thing to do", to the guy who chucks a cigarette butt on the ground or gasses six million people. It's not all negative of course, because then you can offer, "Here's a nicer way you could have done that", like putting the butt in a bin or just not smoking and not, like, gassing people much. Yeah, it's important to see some people as assholes. If you didn't, you might have a disgusting atrocity like 731 occur and then all the guys get off completely free because you want their research. If they had read my book (Life Stinks. Now Fix It!), someone would have thought - hang on, aren't these guys assholes? Shouldn't we, you know, maybe put them on trial or at least give them a stern disapproving look or something?

And it's wrong to think, well that was then, we're all civilised now. We're all searching for our inner peace. Right now, as you read this, there are atrocities being carried out. There are people suffering for the gain, greed or simply amusement of others. Wouldn't it be better if people there said - hang on, you guys are assholes? We'd begin on a smaller scale of course (people who spit, people who are always late, people who call me up trying to sell me crap) but we'd work up to the larger assholes.

I kind of got sidetracked there from self-development to calling out assholes. It's a natural progression I guess. Many of our issues are about relationships. Possibly all of our issues are about relationships. It's not just about ourselves, it's about how we fit with everyone else. So a huge part of it would have to be about - How To Recognise Your Inner Gobshite - so you can help others too.

See, I think if I were to approach the idea of self-development, the 'self' would have to include all of humanity. Each and every one of us. How could I leave anyone out? My approach wouldn't be - you have a problem so here's how to train yourself not to see it as a problem. It would be - you, we, have a problem so let's fix it. But for that to happen, you have to allow yourself to be aware of the problem. Be aware that there is a problem.

And there are problems.

Life Stinks. Now Fix It!

Am I on to something?

Just where is the path to a better life?

I'm very curious about self-help and self-development. With two very different goals - firstly, to advance my career and, secondly, to help manage my depression. Many successful people even in the creative arty world have good things to say about this book or that book. And I've had a few people pass through the various studios trying to get me into this or that and I've always been a little resistant to it all. I have many reservations, questions, opinions on the subject, positive as well as negative and would love to talk them through. But there's too much for one post and too many scattered thoughts for a series of posts so I'll just touch on some stuff here while it's on my mind.

There seem to be two main types of self-development books/seminars/cults/scams etc.:

a) How to achieve your goals by persuading people to do what you want (ie. how to shaft your fellow man).

b) How to achieve inner peace and happiness (ie. how to make you think you're happy).

For this post, I'm just talking about the latter... mostly. One of the biggest self-help and self-development ideas that runs across both types but is key to the latter seems to be that we create our own reality based on perception and how we communicate ideas to ourselves. This is called many different things and there seem to be many different ways to get there but, basically, there is a big push on the idea that you can make yourself happy. There are thousands of books on the subject. There are groups, cults and whatever all based around that idea.

Many of them are trying to take your money (to make themselves happy I guess - living by example) but, if they get results and you get what you pay for, is that really a bad thing? That's a whole other subject I guess.

But the idea of altering your perception to make yourself happy, to me, seems so unbelievably selfish. It requires pretending that the shit in the world doesn't exist. It requires not acknowledging any of that bad stuff. It requires voluntary and practised blindness.

Now there is a view that happiness works with the trickle-down effect. Someone once made this argument to me who was part of a self-help group (kind of like scientology-lite). Well, the trickle down effect in economics is utter bullshit because there are people at the top trying their damndest to make sure nothing trickles anywhere. And it's bullshit when applied to happiness too. Because it requires voluntary and practised blindness.

You can't help make others happy when you are blind to what it is that makes them unhappy. You can't help heal society when you are blind to what is making it ill. You can't stand against injustice when you are blind to all negativity.

Not only that, but while you're totally blind and practising 'b' (making yourself happy), you are leaving yourself completely open to being manipulated and exploited by the people practising the 'a' of self-development: how to shaft your fellow man.

Far from trickling down, the day you find your own inner peace and become truly happy, is the day you become a danger to society. Because you will fall in line with whatever is happening around you regardless of consequences. Because, whatever is happening on the outside, inside you're completely deluded.

No, as far as I can see, the only time that someone can be truly happy and for it to be a good thing is when not one single person on this planet is suffering. Not one child is hungry. Not one person oppressed. Am I wrong? Is it right to be happy when others are suffering?

I don't know. I don't think so.

If you see someone who really looks at peace today, do me a favour and give them a slap and tell them to wake the hell up.