Monday, December 31, 2007

And so 2007 comes to a close

Yes, even if I'd rather tear my eyes out than go to your crappy party, the difference one invitation can make to the self-esteem is quite staggering. Heart-warming.

All in all, 2007 wasn't a bad year. Hopefully 2008 will be even better. Bring on robot butlers and flying cars.

Happy New Year all!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

People like me

I mean, they must. Why else would I have been given such fantastic gifts this year? Wow, I'm overwhelmed with the giftness.

What a nice few days I've had, even without the pizza (I had beer). Oh actually, now that I think about it, I had pizza on Christmas Eve so it was a perfect Christmas after all.

I guess the next thing is to make up some New Years resolutions that I won't stick to. I think I won't bother going through that process and will just hope to have a year no worse than 2007, which actually turned out to be pretty good.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and follows it with an excellent 2008!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Is that the sound of sleigh bells?

Ah! Pizza and beer. The meal of Kings! Really, if it were down to me, this would be my Christmas dinner. As it is, I'll end up with turkey like everyone else. Nice turkey but still... pizza and beer...

Hope whatever you're doing that you have a great Christmas!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Reality television isn't all bad

Monday night, another America's Next Top Model. Tonight, it's the final! Over in this part of the world, we're a season behind you US folks. I think we're on cycle 8.

Now I tend to give out a lot about reality television. I think most of it is utter shite. But, man, I can't get enough of this show. It's not just the sexy women. Not at all. In fact, some of them are muck. Nah, I enjoy sassy Tyra, the comic stylings of Miss Jay (and those legs) and the other Jay with the silver hair too. That dude's from the future.

Oh, I love the bitching too. It's entertaining while backing up everything I know to be true about women.

Friday, December 14, 2007

When the floor is your wardrobe...

And, no, I don't want to get a haircut either.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The family party

It's party season. Work-related parties - loads of these but they're nice and easy to skip. Family parties can be tougher. Lots of people you rarely see. Rarely call. Sure, all families are weird but some are way more weird than others and I don't play well with others. So it's good to make your own entertainment.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

White gloves

Andy J. Latham (from Andy's Animation blog here - really got me wondering about cartoon gloves. Obsessing actually. All of the really old cartoons featured these gloves, even if a character wore no other clothes.

People say it was just to help the hands stand out. But why not just colour the hands white as they do with some other body parts? Why is it always the same gloves?

Andy speculated that maybe it came from mime. Good theory. I also wondered about blackface minstrels, who wore similar gloves - probably reading too much into it but then it's unlikely to be something easily admitted. And then there's Michael Jackson, the closest thing to a living (but really very creepy) cartoon character.

Bugs Bunny, for example, wears these gloves and nothing else. Not a stitch. Now, he's grey and has several other white patches that didn't require clothing - his feet for example. Why did his hands need gloves? I have no idea.

But I have to find out.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Dear Angry Mob (P.S.)

A choice quote from Tp - "The work on this blog SUCKS. You obviously can't draw hands or feet, or decent facial expressions, and that hatching thing is super distracting."

When you really want to criticise someones work who is in the same field as yourself, you're on steadiest ground when you make sure of two important things -

1) That you know whose work you're criticising and you know the full extent of their work.

2) That your own work is the best god damn work on the face of this planet and maybe even the universe.

In this case, well 1 is quite funny. But 2, well, Tp, I visited your blog and actually... I really liked some of the stuff there. You're doing great. Lets see if you keep up that momentum in when you're in the business for as long as many of us have been. I genuinely hope you do and wish you well with your career.

But are you at 2 yet?

I actually feel bad bringing it up as TP apologised and, while that was very cool of him, there was actually no need. That's what the comments are for. We're all entitled to our views and should be able to call it as we see it, even if we're not on that steady ground - after all, he was responding to what he perceived as an attack on other animators . But, importantly, he put forward the idea that we should be on the same team. He's right.

Tp, we are on the same team. And thanks for reminding me of that.

But, hey, when it comes down to it, the crappy drawings on this site (and they are pretty crappy) are a realistic interpretation of my life. See?

Except for the tentacles. I have no idea why the hell they are there.

Really I guess the main reason I'm bringing it up is to reiterate the point that this isn't an art blog. Not in the slightest. If that's what you're looking for, I'd recommend Marlo Meekins. She has excellent work and huge hair and she's really pretty too. Her caricatures will blow you away. Ya think if this was an art blog, I'd be going into post-coital headaches? That would be a great subject to bring up while going through my showreel. "Hey, are you the depressed guy with the post-coital headaches? You know you can't draw hands, right?"

I wouldn't get that job.

Not an art blog guys.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Dear Angry Mob...

A couple of quotes from my comments on the 3D Animators post about a week ago:

Ryan G - "I think youre just misinformed or just making blind assumptions."
Tp - "You are totally shutting out a lot of talented artists by making a blanket statement like that."

While I'd love to just tell you to go and shite, Tp is onto something (Ryan not as much) so I thought I'd give a little explanation here to help clear the air.

Picture this: 3D animator is standing in the middle of studio floor. Doing horrific Ricky Gervais impressions to entertain the other animators. Door opens. It's a producer. The guy who pays his bills. Now the producer isn't accusing him of anything but it's like being back at school - the animator thinks he's been caught messing when he should be working. He thinks fast. Pulls out the oldest line in 3D animation - "I'm waiting for my scene to render."

That's the scenario. I've seen it many times. No, it doesn't mean that the animator is lazy. 3D animators do work long hours. They do work weekends at crunch time. That's why I wrote it. It just amused me to accuse all 3D animators of laziness. As it turned out, and as I hoped it would, it amused a few 3D animators I know too. They recognised the scenario. They do perform Ricky Gervais impressions. They do talk about Warcraft. They do pull out the age old excuse when a producer barges in.

They also get the "I wish I could use that excuse" from the 2D departments. And that's where I was coming from with it. See, in the panel, I'm sitting at a 2D animation desk. There is no rendering. The excuse is useless. You see? That's what it's about. Ah, forget it... Y'all got distracted reaching for your pitchforks and torches when you saw the headline.

Not to worry. 3D animators - you know I love you, right? Well, most of you. Not the geeks.

I guess I'm glad this is the one I had to explain and not the Mohammed/Bear thing. That could have been more heated.

On top of all this, Tp made some wonderful observations on my drawings. More on that soon if I can be bothered.

Monday, December 3, 2007

So... the bear...

In reality, this conversation went on much longer. It really is a very popular name. Unlike Mr.Fluffyfeatures, which isn't all that common at all. I think in the whole of my school there were only maybe two of them.

I'm having no luck with these longer formatted pics, whether horizontal or vertical. Blogger just doesn't like them. If you can't read the tiny type, it should bring up a bigger version if you click it. Hopefully.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

3D Animators are lazy

Yeah I said it. Lazy. The lot of you.

Oh but we work such long hours! We have to work weekends at crunch time!

Maybe if you didn't spend so much time sitting on your asses talking about whatever it is you geeks talk about (is it Warcraft?) or doing poor Ricky Gervais impressions then you wouldn't always be so far behind schedule.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

You don't just get one, do you?

So now I have an exploded head to add to the list. It seems to be easing off slightly, which is nice. But it seems you'll rarely find someone with just one condition. Once you start the whole diagnosis process, it's the beginning of a collection.

Like collecting rare coins.

Only they're never as rare as you thought they were and they won't fetch a good price on Antiques Roadshow.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

More on the exploding head

Bizarrely, it seems this post-coital headache is not uncommon. Who knew? They call it... postcoital headache, among other things. Check out this link for some information on it -

So that link says you can have headaches from sex. But to check the diagnosis, they need to do CT scans, MRIs and MRAs. To check if you're getting a headache from having sex. Seems to me the easier option would be to ask, "Are you getting this headache when you have sex?" I should be a doctor - I could save you thousands. If anyone has any health-related questions, just ask here and I'll sort you out in no time.

On this sex/headache thing, my theory is that someone has deemed us unfit for breeding and has installed this as a safeguard against reproduction. Well, joke's on them - I've already reproduced.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Look Ma! I'm a celebrity!

I got a little bit of publicity with a project I've been working on. Everyone wants to see energy. They're all energy-this, energy-that. That requires serious effort.

Normally, I hate the phone and would starve rather than have to talk to the pizza guy on the other end but, when it comes to interviews, radio is the way to go. That way nobody can read the pain on your face, forcing you to tell the sex/head explosion story.

Everyone's a winner.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It's a Clockwork Orange all over again

I pulled a muscle in my head. While having sex.

Firstly, what the hell do I need a muscle in the back of my head for? I can't lift anything with it. I can't do anything with it. The first time I was even aware of having a muscle in the back of my head was when the agonising pain hit.

And this happens while having sex? Not just having sex - right at the moment of, well, you know... orgasm. No point in beating about that particular bush. Right at that moment, my head suddenly felt like it was going to explode. Hideous pain. I thought I was having a brain hemmorage. I'm pretty sure that's not how you spell that but you know what I mean.

It's been sore ever since. I feel like I'm being punished for having sex. I've been too terrified to try again. Or even crack one off (well, I went with the whole orgasm thing so that pretty much greenlights any topic). I just imagine that moment in Scanners where the guy's head explodes.


Has someone conditioned my mind to punish me when I have sex? I smell a conspiracy.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sharing saliva

Yes, it is different when we kiss. And don't think I'm not aware of it then either. But sharing saliva in drink is just vile.

I don't share drinks.

Or food.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Thing is, I actually know how this happens. I've caused a few of these moments myself. You send your changes in to the storyboard guy. Wait. It's not right, send more changes. Wait. Still not right. Fed up waiting, you decide to just give a note to the animator.

But nobody ever actually gives a note to the animator.

So the scene is animated, and it's completely wrong. Okay, so if you're getting paid by the hour, who really cares? Well, I care. I don't like doing things twice. Ever.

But then who does like doing things twice? Twins? That Two-Face guy from Batman?

Monday, November 12, 2007

"Sing me to sleep..."

We all have rough days. Like, really rough days. We get over it. It's just another day. But, hey, does anyone really tell the whole truth to their doctor? Or therapist? Or anyone else?

You can't, can you? Because they'll think you're mental. They'll take your shoelaces from you.

I like my shoelaces.

"There is a better world. There must be..."

Friday, November 9, 2007

Managing your working day

I'm still at work even though I'm Patient 0 with a deadly hospital superbug. That stinks. So it's important I recognise the few pleasant moments I get during those hours. However, ultimately, I'm at work to make money and pay the bills and so I'm always money-conscious. If you can mix the two, well, that's just spanky.

It makes economical sense to do your number 2s at work. This way, you get paid for it. If you can work out how much you get paid per hour, you can probably easily figure out just how much money you save by doing your business on work time.

That's money saved and therefore money you can spend elsewhere. Like on DS games, for example, to make your worktime toilet time more enjoyable.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Pixar boobies update

Well, word on the street is that the Pixar shorts set has the Knick Knack Sans Mammaries version. So Pixar and distributors have made their position clear in the Great Breast War and have struck a blow against ample bosomage.

But why?

Maybe we'll never know. Poor ol' Russ Meyer will be turning in his grave. Actually I hope this breast remastering doesn't catch on because Supervixens could lose some of its appeal in an itty bitty titty DVD rerelease.

If you are female with large breasts (or, what the hell, even a guy with healthy man-boobs), you are not safe. Pixar wants you eliminated. John Lassiter will stalk you while you sleep. Strike first and strike hard.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Pixar Shorts Collection - with or without boobies?

Just curious.

There's a new collection of the Pixar shorts out on DVD. One of them, Knick Knack (about a little snowglobe snowman), featured a rather large-breasted character. However, when the short was attached to one of their movies (I think it may have been Finding Nemo - they all sort of blend together for me now), the character had undergone a pretty drastic breast reduction for some reason.

I imagine it must have been quite tricky to dig up files from an old short and remove the boobies so someone must have thought it was really important. However, if I were a girl with ample breasts (and, man, how I wish I was) I would find the implication that large breasts was a problem just a tad offensive. There wasn't one other aspect of the short touched. Just the boobies.

What have Pixar got against large breasts? And does anyone know which version this collection contains?

Monday, November 5, 2007

Why most animators are grumpy

97% of animators who have been in the business four years or more are bitter and twisted. That's a fact. Today, I'm especially bitter given that I have this hospital superbug so I thought it would be a good idea to explain why most animators are grumpy and bitter.
I was trained in bitterness right from the start. Animation teachers telling me just who were 'wankers' and why all animated films these days are crap. Back in those days, there weren't really any blogs but now all of these bitter animators have found homes on the internet.

Weird, seeing as most of them can't use computers.

One of the main factors in this bitterness is the slow realisation that their jobs are worthless. Yes, worthless. You see, animators spend their lives honing a craft. Well, some of them. Others just keep on making the same old shit. But those who care, really care. Or did at one point.

But eventually they realise - if you've got a half-decent story, you could draw it in shit on a dead horse's head and kids would still like it. Hell, adults would still like it. People don't care how it looks. Spiderman and his Amazing Friends looked like a pile of crap. As a kid, I thought it was the best thing ever. Now, people laugh their asses off at South Park. Or The Simpsons. Or whatever. You think if an animator spent their life animating these beautifully, anyone would care?

Shit on a dead horse's head.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

I have a superbug

Haven't been diagnosed by a doctor or anything but here's the evidence:
a) I was in a hospital yesterday.
b) I have a sore ear/throat thing today.

What other explanation for it could there be? I have one of thos MRSA superbugs that they breed in hospitals. Not doing too badly with it, all things considered. A couple of paracetemol does the trick. Hopefully I'll survive the night because I have to go to work in the morning.

Friday, November 2, 2007

The world is a scary place

If I was to give one piece of advice for anyone with depression, it would be stop watching the news. The media is filled with fear-mongering lies and half-truths designed to freak the shit out of you. Everyone is looking for the next disaster.

Fact is, even without the scare-mongering, life is terrifying. And not in a Halloween sort of way. A very real way. We live in a world of pain, death, suffering. A world where people drop bombs over others every single day. I've heard depression called the 'disease of the strong' because one of the common factors in a large percentage of sufferers is a sense of responsibility. Some of us try to take on the world's problems and they become our own.

And why shouldn't we? Most people walk around oblivious to the shit that goes on in their name. Only by people opening their eyes to that can we begin to change it. Make things better.

But you can't take on everything.

If the world worries you, stop watching the news. Do what you can, your little bit. Ask some questions, inform someone of some injustice they didn't know about. But stop watching the news. You don't need the corporate leeches driving you into a panic.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Why Halloween didn't feel like Halloween

Because the shops were all packed with Christmas stuff!

It's bloody October! Well, it was leading up to Halloween. When one holiday is kicking off earlier than the previous one, you're starting too damn early. Enough with early Christmas you gougers. I'm taking this to the government. Christmas before November 25th will be outlawed and you'll be sent to Gitmo for a photo shoot if you so much as have one prickly leaf in your shop.

Enough is enough.

Monday, October 29, 2007


I like Halloween. I think it's the whole pretending to be something else thing. And I actually think it's probably good for kids. There are a lot of scary things in the world and I think Halloween allows children to make light of scary stuff. Probably a coping mechanism.

Though I'm sure there are some children totally freaked out by that.

Around here, the children go wild for fireworks though and I don't like that. Partly because, every year, some kid loses a face or some fingers and partly because it freaks dogs out and I like dogs.

Anyway, happy Halloween!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

They have it coming



Many scientists increasingly believe that this may be true. It is especially true at the weekend, after you've had a long week at work.

The good news is that I have Monday off, the genius that is Saw IV is in the cinema and I'm still alive.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Watch for the signs

A few subtle clues. If you find someone like this, there is a good chance they are suffering from depression. Or are already dead.

I wasn't found exactly like this at any stage but I've been close and drawing it really made me wonder just how scary it is for the wife/husband/gay life partner/aquaintance/rent boy who has to live with someone who is prone to depression. Having been through it a few times, I like to think I'd know the signs myself and see it coming but I know the last time I was hit bad, I didn't have any idea until I was completely in the mire.

I'd say people like us are a pain in the ass but I guess that's why it should be recognised when your wife/husband/gay life partner/aquaintance/rent boy sticks with you and helps you look out for those warning signs.

Thanks guys!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Happy Birthday!

It's my one month bloggiversary. Yay.

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Aftermath

Thing is, you don't even care if I had a good weekend, do you? Nothing pisses me off like being brought into conversations that not one party cares a damn about. Small talk is utterly pointless.
Even a simple 'good morning' on a Monday can send me into a rage.

Others include:
Hello, Lovely morning, Heard the forecast? See the match? Why aren't you wearing pants?
And I can assure you the last thing I want to hear about is your fecking boyfriend. That doesn't just apply on Monday. That's every day of my entire, probably short, life.

Puh-lease. Mondays. Leave. Me. Alone. Especially if I so obviously look like shit. By the way, if there was a third panel to this image, it would be me punching her in the face.

I wish I had drawn a third panel.

Edit: Oh what the hell. Here's what the third panel would look like:

Sunday, October 21, 2007

The thing about a shit weekend... that you spend the whole week thinking, "If I can just make it to the weekend, I'll be fine." Then the weekend hits, sucks totally and then you just end up back in work Monday morning. Only the next week, you have nothing to cling to. No promise of a relaxing weekend.

There is no sanctuary left. Unless I buy a plane ticket to some hot country and just live on a beach somewhere, just catching fish to live.

But I hate fish.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Winter is here

If ever you need a reason to heat a studio, this is it. You see, either I'm drawing with numb bare hands, in which case I'm shivering and doing shaky drawings or I'm wearing mittens. It's bloody freezing here. Studio owners - heat your studios!

Anyone got SAD yet?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Seems that lawsuit is coming quicker than I thought

As well as the usual cancer-causing and sterilising waves from mobile phones, Apple's iPhone has the added bonus of containing hazardous compounds. Phthalates in the headphone cord are known to interfere with sexual development. Brominated compounds make up 10% of the iPhone. They create dioxin when burned, which causes cancer (there is no known 'safe dose' of dioxin) as well as severe reproductive and developmental problems.

In short, it's a dangerous bastard and when you feckers throw it away, you're going to be contributing to the downfall of the human race. An over-reaction? Not in the slightest. You only have to look at rising cancer rates across all age groups (especially the young) and rising fertility problems.

That's all aside from the usual mobile phone emission problems.

The Greenpeace report can be found here and you should Google all of the materials they found. Lawsuits are already beginning. And rightly so. You should know about this. You should care. Every single one of you.

Monday, October 15, 2007

That Monday feeling

Seems like every day is Monday. Weeks are just flying by. Did you know it was 2007 already? The Space Year 2007AD? Whoever thought we'd really be living in the 2000s?

And where the hell are my silver jumpsuits? My flying cars? My robot butlers? Eh? Eh? What the hell went wrong?

No, it's 2007 and I'm just going to work like people did back in 1977. Or 1937. Or 1877. Except that last group of people are now dead. Too many Mondays can be fatal. Each Monday brings you one week closer to death.

There's a cheery thought for a Monday morning.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Those other side effects...

Hmmm... I've been playing around with formatting and this image has turned out much smaller than it was supposed to be in blogger. If you click it, it will bring you to a bigger version I think.

Anyway, yeah, delayed... ejaculation.

You wouldn't believe the work I have been putting in to getting those little swimmers out. Dear lord it's a full-scale workout. I just keep going and going like one of those energiser bunnies in some battery porn. And that final push is a killer.

I hope you ladies appreciate the work.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Hypochondriacs Unite!

I know I'm not the only person who does this. I have been convinced since my teens that I would die a hideous cancer death. Initially I thought it was the dodgy microwave that would do me in. That may still turn out to be the case but I think now that my fate is sealed by all you gobshites and your mobile phones. The day I can sue for second-hand mobilisation, I'll see you all in court.

As a bloke, my chance of getting cancer is one in two.

1 in 2 (for those of you who couldn't take the time to read it in words).

I have just as high a chance of getting cancer as not getting it. For you ladies, it's one in three. Still high enough to be pretty damn scary. Most form of cancers, you won't even know before it's too late. I could (and probably do) have bowel cancer right now and wouldn't know about it. Especially as a side effect of many anti-depressants is gastrinal bleeding. You could shit blood and think it's just a side effect. Two months later you're dead.

One in two. I'm doomed.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The people I work with just don't care

That bugs me. They're watching YouTube videos and chatting on instant messaging thingies while they're supposed to animating a television show that could be really good. But probably won't be because they don't give a shit.

That's the real bad side to using computers in animation - too much distraction. I'd love to throw them out and get them all back to the drawing desks and see how long they last.

Monday, October 8, 2007

The flip side

When I was first diagnosed with depression, I was told not to do anything life-changing. It would create too much pressure. On top of that, I was in no place to really make rational decisions.

And that's the really tough part. Because there can be outside factors. When you are diagnosed with depression, you start to question yourself - am I unhappy about a certain thing because of the depression or because that something is wrong and should make me unhappy? The difficulty is that, in times of depression, there is no way of knowing.

If I had acted on my feelings at the time of my first diagnosis, I would not have the lovely wife and child I have now. I would have nothing.

Yet now, I'm medicated and there is one part of my life still not right. Sometimes the pills don't help. Because sometimes, you really do have to address parts of your life that plain suck.
And life does suck a lot.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Just as well I don't use my real name

An employee fired for blogging -

She's not the first either.

The clear mistake she made was posting pictures of herself. Looks like I'm going to have to go underground and disguise myself.

Friday, October 5, 2007

The pissing contest

Willy waving over depression drugs seems pretty common. Well, I refuse to pull my lad out and let rip. You see, I'm only on Lexapro right now. And just the girly 10mg ones.

They worked fine for me before but this time they seem to have come with some side effects. I'm itchy. That's at the bottom of the list for Lexapro side effects. I've also had a couple of others I won't go into right now. Some of the side effects listed are great:

Diarrhoea, Constipation. I hate to think what happens if you end up with both of these at once. Bowel explosions or something. A lot of clean-up involved.

Increased sweating. Pit stains alone are liable to cause depression. Nobody likes pit stains.

Mania, confusion, agitation, anxiety, depersonalisation, panic attacks and nervousness. Hang on, aren't I taking this to get rid of that stuff?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Wallace and Gromit TV movie

Couldn't cut it on the big screen, guys?

Ponies, tricks etc.

Oh, and what happened to that Tortoise and Hare movie you were making?

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Why I am medicated

I wasn't in a bad place this time around. I had been off the pills for a good few years and was doing pretty okay. But I could feel a little downward slide. Just a little.

But that wasn't the main issue. This was the main issue:

I had neve been so prolific in all my life. I was bombarded with ideas, stories, characters. All great stuff. My mind was racing at 1000 miles per hour. It was amazing and something I should be really thankful for.

The problem was that I couldn't shut it off. I tried. I tried all sorts of methods. Even hypnotherapy. But I couldn't sleep. My head just kept on going at a steady 1000mph. And I couldn't sleep. Eventually, it became too much. I had to risk the loss of productivity for some calm in my life. Having been through this several times before, I knew it was related to the condition. I knew getting on pills for six months or more would just slow down my brain.

Did it work? Yep. But, as I feared, the ideas have slowed. Some of them are still there but I need a lot more effort to dig them up. I still don't know if the trade off was worth it but I'm enjoying the ability to sleep.

Monday, October 1, 2007


Maybe I should give a little introduction to depression. I'm talking full-on clinical depression here. That's what I have. Or I should say, have had, though I consider it an ongoing condition. I have had two major incidents of it but I'm always on alert.

According to Wikipedia, clinical depression affects 7-18% of people some time in their lives. Okay so Wikipedia isn't exactly the most reliable source on the planet as any idiot can edit it (and many do) but it's a good place to start.

It mentions Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which is feeling down in the Winter time. I actually thought I had that once. When it lasted through Summer and into Autumn, there was a problem. Turns out, what I had was Depression with Melancholic Features.

Oddly enough, I didn't really feel sad as such. I felt totally empty though. Completely disconnected from life and the world. I felt like I wasn't really me. I wasn't sleeping and had a bunch of other symptoms that led to the diagnosis. It was the first time I was diagnosed, though I had it years before and only knew what it was when I finally got that diagnosis. So, according to Wikipedia, here are the main symptoms:

"Melancholia is characterized by a loss of pleasure (anhedonia) in most or all activities, a failure of reactivity to pleasurable stimuli, a quality of depressed mood more pronounced than that of grief or loss, a worsening of symptoms in the morning hours, early morning waking, psychomotor retardation, anorexia, or excessive guilt."

Try living with this for 6 months. Or a year. Or every year. That's what people with depression live with.

Some people get to such a stage that you can't miss it. But there are a lot of people out there living with it that you just won't know. They plaster on a smile and get on with their day, secretly dying inside. You just never know what's going on with people.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Nobody actually reads blogs anyway, do they?

Firstly, there are about a thousand million billion blogs out there. What are the chances that anyone is going to find this one? And, even if they did find it, it's not like there is anything useful or informative or entertaining here (like most, if not all blogs).

So why bother? It's like some girly diary. And if you're reading this, you're snooping. Get out of my room.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

So... sleepy...

While the pills have me feeling better generally and getting more sleep, I'm still exhausted. Just so, so tired.


Supposed to be working but all I can get the energy to do is browse the internet looking for info on new games.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The worst thing you can say to someone with depression

This doesn't help. Ever. Seriously.


Depression is a condition. Look it up. Read about it. It's pretty serious stuff. Just because you feel down does not mean you have depression.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

New prescription day

The one month checkup of a new batch of medication. The usual questions. "Feeling better in yourself?", "Any side effects?"

Yes, actually. I'm itchy. Although I'm prone to itchiness I think. I once scratched a layer of skin off my foot. Kind of disgusting, eh? I don't ever seem to get rashes or anything (I'm not some mange-ridden disaster zone). Just itchy sometimes.

Must... scratch... knee...

Monday, September 24, 2007

Animators are funny!

Ah, the tears of a clown.

You'll find people living with depression in all walks of life. Isn't it amazing how many times we find out entertainers are ridden with it though? Almost every time a comedian dies, it comes out that they suffered most of their lives with depression.

Does the pressure to entertain eat away at us?

Or is entertaining a way of dealing with it?

Like the chicken and egg thing, except that has an easy answer (the egg). The good thing about being in animation is that you get to sit at a desk for hours on end on your own. This means that you just have to get the 'funny' and 'joy of life' onto the page. You don't have to live it. Which is good because most animators aren't funny. And usually those who are most convinced they are funny are the least funny.

If you cross your eyes when someone takes a picture, I mean you.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

What's my Medicated Cartoon Life?

Mostly a blog that nobody will ever find. What you'll find here is some of the truth as I see it. So who am I?

I'm an animator. I draw "funny" cartoons. I have depression. I am medicated.

That's my life.

Want to see nice pictures? Surf porn. Want to learn some dirty animation secrets? Well, you may just find one or two here if I ever post. Want to know a little about depression and how people deal with it beyond what you've seen in Sideways? Well, you'll probably find a good bit about that here.

Again, that's if I ever post.