Friday, May 30, 2008
Yeah, it's a little unfair of me targetting the emo teens when, in spite of the fact that there wasn't the term 'emo' in my day and we weren't half as pretty, I could be accused of being just a haggard shell of what was once one of them. Still, it kept me amused for a couple of days.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
A deadly cyborg bagpiper, the Cyber Piper plays hideous piercing tunes that can penetrate any defense shield. There is no escape from the dreaded Cyber Drone! MALS Man's headphone/iPod combo are no defense for this weapon so he must rely on more cunning methods to defeat the Cyber Piper.
Seeing as the Cyber Piper is a bit rubbish, it's time to bring out the big guy. Every superhero needs a super villain that's pretty much the same as him. And so we have:
The story of The Sickness is a tragic one. The teenage emo kid that once found himself in scientist millionaire Randall Randallson's lab was blasted with deadly radiation. He wandered around the lab for days, not knowing what to go about the green glow coming from his flesh. The poor lad was starving. So when he saw Randall standing by his microscope, the kid only saw one thing - food. He took a chunk out of Randall's arm and MALS Man was born.
But his story did not end there. The radiation caused the kid to mutate and grow, until he bacame the beast known only as... The Sickness. He is named that because radiation can actually make you quite ill. Like, the powers are great and everything but chemo really knocks the wind out of you. So he's not doing too well. But he's still a teenager and still angry at... something.
Next up, we have:The good and evil twin all in one! Benson just wants to be loved. He likes flowers and Grey's Anatomy. But, behind Benson, lies evil - Hedges, the murderous vicious bunny. He likes killing people and doesn't like Grey's Anatomy one little bit. Together, they make a powerful foe as Benson uses Hedges as his shield. Not only would nobody risk harming that cute little bunny but the Conjoined Bunny Brothers are also immune to MALS Man's Manlove ability (Benson is openly gay but Hedges is deep in denial). With Benson attached to his back, Hedges is unstoppable.
Finally, Mr.Trombley made some great suggestions for super villains (check them out in the comments of the previous post). One, I just couldn't resist, though this may be slightly younger than he was thinking:
Everyone knows Hitler is pure evil. It is safe to assume he came out of the womb goose-stepping and generally doing evil things. But what most people don't know is that he managed to escape by travelling through time into the future, where he terrorises people and makes them sad and stuff. The guy way back in history was merely a stand-in. Baby Hitler is way more evil.
So that's just a few of MALS Man's enemies. He has many more. Actually most people really don't like him at all. He's an annoying pain in the ass. So he has no shortage of super villains to fight.
Oh, and for Adam, here's a look at some of those teddies we can hawk at Hot Topic -
I thought I was really just having a laugh with the 'they don't conform' thing, you know, seeing as most emo or goth kids try their damndest to be identical to each other, but then I found these. They actually use as their tagline, "dolls that refuse to conform". I have to admire them for getting in first and for separating these poor innocent kids from their money.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
In a flash, MALS Man can withdraw into a bubble of darkness where he sits miserable listening to depressing songs. Nothing can penetrate the darkness.
MALS Man's Manlove ability can turn straight men gay for a brief and confused period of time. They stop to question everything they knew about themselves, then feel strange and full of regret for things they enjoyed but now wish they hadn't done. Note: actual gay supervillains are immune to this power.
Of course, every superhero has a weakness. MALS Man's is his mood. All his powers depend on a forced state of misery. Jokes, amusing anecdotes and happy songs can all destroy this state and MALS Man becomes powerless. To defend against this, he wears his headphones and pink girly iPod but, if his headphones are removed, he is at your mercy. Put on just about any track by Journey and this happens -
It's quite horrific.
These are just his default powers and weaknesses. Things all changed during the Black Tights Saga, when he got a new suit, went deaf and replaced Emo-Teddy.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Unknown to Randall, someone had infiltrated his lab. A miserable androgynous little shit! Yes, some moany teenager who thought his life sucked, spent all morning doing his make-up and making sure his clothes matched all his friends' 100% and yet considered himself totally unique and didn't want to be judged by his appearance had wandered into the lab. But this wasn't just any miserable androgynous little shit.
No, this was a radioactive miserable androgynous little shit.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Indiana Jones was just one. They seem to be remaking and resurrecting everything. Rocky, Rambo and countless other things. Television shows. They're bringing them all back.
Many of us take pride in not growing up. I love video games, cartoons, movies. They bring out the child in us. So I guess coupling that with the nostalgia of things that actually were around when we were kids makes sense.
I remember a documentary years ago on dogs and how they were domesticated, comparing them to wolves and wild dogs. After a lot of research and study, they came to the conclusion that dogs are domesticated by keeping them in a constant state of youth. In a way, their development is stunted - they are puppies all their lives. They don't have to grow up. They are provided for, are told what to do and where to go, just as puppies are by their mother. They are kept safe. Sounds kind of nice but it means they are completely under our control - we control them by keeping them young.
So I'm wondering - by not growing up, by constantly feeding the child in us, are we being domesticated? Controlled?
We're all just puppies and we're getting younger by the day.
I want to be a wolf.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
So I got to see the new Indy film last night. It's okay. Entertaining in parts but it doesn't really have much of a story. I mean, they didn't seem to have any concrete goals most of the time so spent half the movie wandering around getting captured by cartoon Russians.
But it was definitely entertaining in parts, had some good sequences, a few great lines. I found myself wishing Marion hadn't made it into the movie, a complete turnaround from what I thought I'd think. And, in another turnaround, not only did I not mind LaBeouf, I thought he was pretty much essential. He brought life to a film that wouldn't have had any otherwise.
And, man, that bit where Shortround turned up... woah. WHO DA BITCH NOW?!!! EH, DR.JONES?!!! BAM! Fantastic.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Do ad guys still negotiate that they can smoke in their office as part of their contracts?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I don't remember what it's like not to be tired. Those rings around my eyes are very real. I do have perhaps a vague recollection that maybe I wasn't constantly exhausted during my teenage years. But something went badly wrong in my twenties and I live in a permanent state of grogginess now. So that's pretty accurate.
My hair is balding at the front, with a forehead that gets a new wrinkle each day. And my hair does what it wants at the back, not unlike the tentacle thingies. So, yeah, my head does look a little like I'm wearing a rubber glove.
My skin is bad. I have this belly thing.
Yep, pretty accurate.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
You can only hear a marketing guy for a sweets company (candy for you USers) say he's trying to sell drugs to kids for so long before questioning his motives.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Yeah, I love ice-cream. I think it's my favourite major food group.
Anyone find the whole concept of cleavage as odd as I do? I mean, I love cleavage but, when you break it down, what it amounts to is this created space - a hole, an absence of breasts. Strange.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
To everyone who sent me a rejection, fuck you. I hope your eyes get pecked out by sparrows (it will take longer than crows). And that you contract some hideous disease that causes your skin to tighten and tighten until it eventually rips and falls from your sick flesh. Actually, the sparrows can do their work at that point because I'd like you to see that, like the guy who saw his face peel off in Poltergeist. Then I hope you get... hmm... a paper cut. But a really bad one that stings. Then gets infected with maggots that eat away at your bare flesh until you eventually die an agonising death. But not before I give you a card that says I apologise for the stock response but your pathetic life has been rejected. I can't see a market for it. But I wish you success in your eternity in whatever hell you'll be going to.
Unless they reject you too.
If that doesn't happen, I'm going to find out who each and every one of you are and keep photos of you with me for the rest of my life. And some day, maybe many years from now, I'll spot you on the street from that cardboard box I'll be living in. And, when you pass, I'll put out my leg and trip you up. If I'm lucky, you'll graze your knee but, at the very least, you'll look like a tit.
And, then, when I'm close to death, I'll take each one of those photos and write 'FOOD' on them. Then, when the inevitable zombie apocalyse comes and I rise from the grave hungry for human flesh, the only memory I'll have is that you, each and every one of you, are my food. And I will eat your brains. I can't imagine your brains would give me much sustenaince but then a zombie doesn't digest food anyway. And, in a way, it's fitting - just like now, what little brains you have will be utterly useless. But I'll eat them anyway.
Fuck each and every one of you. The least you could have done was do me the decency of writing a proper letter. And putting my name on it. Gobshites.
I think I'm taking this rather well.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I see this sort of thing happen so many times. How hard is it to do things in the right order? Why start animation before you have an animatic? Why work with 'temp' tracks that mean nothing will fit afterwards? Why is there always that long period of inactivity followed by the need to start every process simultaneously?
What is it with some producers' fascination with doing things arse-ways?