Wednesday, May 28, 2008

So what are his powers?

Every superhero needs powers. Otherwise, they wouldn't be superheroes, would they? Although Batman doesn't have powers. He's a cheater. He's just a plain ol' non-super hero with some stuff he ordered off the internet. Anyone could do that. But real superheroes need powers.

So let's begin. The first, and most used, power that Miserable Androgynous Little Shit Man (he really needs a catchier name) has are these -

MALS Man's Power Tears are his deadliest weapon. Powerful blasts of salty liquid can stop any foe. More than that, they'll make his enemies feel awkward and not sure what to say. A deadly distraction technique. But the Power Tears come with a price: MALS Man's eye liner will run and, after every battle, he must retreat to a quiet bathroom to reapply.

For defense, MALS Man has this trick up his sleeve -

In a flash, MALS Man can withdraw into a bubble of darkness where he sits miserable listening to depressing songs. Nothing can penetrate the darkness.

And MALS Man's last super power (until a story demands a new one) is this -

MALS Man's Manlove ability can turn straight men gay for a brief and confused period of time. They stop to question everything they knew about themselves, then feel strange and full of regret for things they enjoyed but now wish they hadn't done. Note: actual gay supervillains are immune to this power.

Of course, every superhero has a weakness. MALS Man's is his mood. All his powers depend on a forced state of misery. Jokes, amusing anecdotes and happy songs can all destroy this state and MALS Man becomes powerless. To defend against this, he wears his headphones and pink girly iPod but, if his headphones are removed, he is at your mercy. Put on just about any track by Journey and this happens -

It's quite horrific.

These are just his default powers and weaknesses. Things all changed during the Black Tights Saga, when he got a new suit, went deaf and replaced Emo-Teddy.


Toole said...

Next do his super villain enemies

Mr. Trombley said...

Dear Sir, I forgot to show you this:

That's what a real nuclear reactor looks like when on. Radiation can be awesome.