Thursday, May 29, 2008

Super Villains!

Every superhero must face a super villain. Usually loads of them. Miserable Androgynous Little Shit Man is no exception. Here are just some of his foes:


A deadly cyborg bagpiper, the Cyber Piper plays hideous piercing tunes that can penetrate any defense shield. There is no escape from the dreaded Cyber Drone! MALS Man's headphone/iPod combo are no defense for this weapon so he must rely on more cunning methods to defeat the Cyber Piper.

Seeing as the Cyber Piper is a bit rubbish, it's time to bring out the big guy. Every superhero needs a super villain that's pretty much the same as him. And so we have:


The story of The Sickness is a tragic one. The teenage emo kid that once found himself in scientist millionaire Randall Randallson's lab was blasted with deadly radiation. He wandered around the lab for days, not knowing what to go about the green glow coming from his flesh. The poor lad was starving. So when he saw Randall standing by his microscope, the kid only saw one thing - food. He took a chunk out of Randall's arm and MALS Man was born.

But his story did not end there. The radiation caused the kid to mutate and grow, until he bacame the beast known only as... The Sickness. He is named that because radiation can actually make you quite ill. Like, the powers are great and everything but chemo really knocks the wind out of you. So he's not doing too well. But he's still a teenager and still angry at... something.

Next up, we have:

The good and evil twin all in one! Benson just wants to be loved. He likes flowers and Grey's Anatomy. But, behind Benson, lies evil - Hedges, the murderous vicious bunny. He likes killing people and doesn't like Grey's Anatomy one little bit. Together, they make a powerful foe as Benson uses Hedges as his shield. Not only would nobody risk harming that cute little bunny but the Conjoined Bunny Brothers are also immune to MALS Man's Manlove ability (Benson is openly gay but Hedges is deep in denial). With Benson attached to his back, Hedges is unstoppable.

Finally, Mr.Trombley made some great suggestions for super villains (check them out in the comments of the previous post). One, I just couldn't resist, though this may be slightly younger than he was thinking:

Everyone knows Hitler is pure evil. It is safe to assume he came out of the womb goose-stepping and generally doing evil things. But what most people don't know is that he managed to escape by travelling through time into the future, where he terrorises people and makes them sad and stuff. The guy way back in history was merely a stand-in. Baby Hitler is way more evil.

So that's just a few of MALS Man's enemies. He has many more. Actually most people really don't like him at all. He's an annoying pain in the ass. So he has no shortage of super villains to fight.



I think Baby Hitler needs his own spin-off.

Oh, and for Adam, here's a look at some of those teddies we can hawk at Hot Topic -


I thought I was really just having a laugh with the 'they don't conform' thing, you know, seeing as most emo or goth kids try their damndest to be identical to each other, but then I found these. They actually use as their tagline, "dolls that refuse to conform". I have to admire them for getting in first and for separating these poor innocent kids from their money.

5 comments:

Tool said...

this stuff is great

Adam H said...

Those teddies f'in killed me, hahah! The puddle-eyed fishnet one especially....and the baby hitler...top drawer good sir!

Did you see that they actually named one of those dolls, "Ivanna Scream?"

growingupartists said...

Lemme know when you come out with the soccer mom version.

Bitter Animator said...

Yeah Adam, those doll are quite hilarious. Actually, looking around for more I found those Living Dead Dolls. Most of them seem to be pretty much the same and are quite funny but a couple of the early ones are actually quite cool. I was surprised. But those goth doll thingies are pretty comical.

Soccer mom version, eh? Sounds like a challenge! I have no idea what those would look like. By the way, I totally subscribe to your views on children and them being our future, which is what makes some of what I see in this business of making children's shows all the more horrendous.

Annabel said...

love the conjoined bunnies and 'they get you, so get them'