Living with Anger

The world is a shithole, yes. But I think the rage will help some of us survive it.

I often think that my depression is like an allergic reaction to the shit in the world. The world is a hideous place - full of greed, pain, suffering, war, violence, lies, domination, manipulation and worse. While these things are going on, while there are people out there suffering, of course we should expect a reaction. It makes total, complete and undeniable sense.

Those who go about their lives in ignorant bliss, they've got to be living in denial. Or plain out and out insanity.

But they are the people better equipped to go about their lives. Far better equipped than I am.

The solution, society's solution, is like taking paracetemol to mask a headache caused by a brain hemorrhage: medicate those displaying the symptoms.

I remember after the bombings in London several years back, people in government saying that the best thing is to go about your normal lives. Otherwise the terrorists have won. But who really wins by us burying our heads and not looking up? Who wins by keeping us asleep? Keeping us ignoarant? Supressing that anger, that disgust?

There are people afraid that society will wake up.

Afraid that society will go off their meds. Their televisions. Their drugs. Their beer. Their sport. That we'll wake up. And that, when we do, we're going to be angry. Really angry. Because we have every reason to be.

But here's the thing - those things that make us angry? We'll be able to do something about them. We'll be able to look at something, think that pisses me off, I'm going to make it better and then actually act on it. Make a difference. You can't act on anything while going about your 'normal life' because that living that life means shutting out all of that crap in the world. Pretending it doesn't exist.

Which is better - living a happy life pretending that everything is fine when it's not, or realising the world is full of shit, being angry about it and working to change it? If more people took the time to get angry, perhaps there would be less to be angry about.

Or maybe we'd just piss each other off. Nothing worse than a room full of angry people.

I'm wishing for a better world.

My Medicated Cartoon Life T-shirts!

Ah, the humble t-shirt... the walking billboard that people pay to wear.

There was talk of My Medicated Cartoon Life t-shirts a while back. I was iffy simply because I didn't know what I'd put on them. But Jeaux Janovsky recommended Zazzle, so I thought I'd give it a go.

So, some time ago, I put some designs up but I didn't link to them because I needed to try them out myself. I wouldn't recommend something that I didn't actually like myself. So this is sort of a review of my own t-shirts.

In short, they're okay.

I chose two normal panel cartoons (the one that pissed off some people with the lazy animators and the one with my naked ass) and two Astro Andy designs. The panels were put on relatively small and I thought they'd look pretty smart on a black t-shirt. And, as it turns out, they do.

They work rather well as t-shirts. My only issue with them is that there's a slight bit of overprinting on the black, leaving the images feeling slightly darker then the originals are and the text, while still fine I guess, is not as sharp as it is on the original images. I notice the difference. Someone who had never seen the originals may not notice a thing but I'd be docking marks for that.

I tried two different things with the Astro Andy images. With one, I took the image of Astro finding a giant alien beast and just plastered it on the t-shirt nice and big.

In terms of printing, this one turned out the nicest actually. The colours are not correct and it's gone much more vibrant than the original, but that actually works for it. And I, personally, like the image. The only thing is that it looks like exactly what it is - a big rectangular image on a shirt. It doesn't seem all that integrated if you know what I mean. Not as much as the smaller cartoon panels do.

With the other one, I tried to get a little fancy. I took the image of Andy floating in space and removes the background, leaving the stars. I thought if I could get this on a dark blue shirt, it would integrate nicely. As a t-shirt, I'd say this one turned out the best of the bunch.

The design just seems to really work on a shirt. But even this one can't get a glowing review. Where the alpha channel would have been used to define the print edge, it seems to have gained a slight halo around the image. It's not much and wouldn't be seen on a light t-shirt but it's noticable on the dark t-shirt. It's unfortunate as it's the only negative mark on an otherwise pretty nice shirt.

So there you have it. My review of the My Medicated Cartoon Life shirts. It doesn't cost me a thing to have them listed there, which is nice, so don't buy one unless you really, really want one. And if anyone would like anything else specific on a shirt, let me know and I'll see if I can arrange it.

If I get a chance, I'll put a little t-shirt pic link thing over there on the right at some point, if I can get it to work. Not sure how long it will be there - advertising, even my own, just bugs me.

But, for now, here's the t-shirt shop!

Getting cramped in here anyway

Yeah, I can be an arrogant ass sometimes.

As you would have gathered from my last post, I (we) am (are) tired. In ways, I feel defeated. I just want to go live in a warm cave with some beer and play Gears of War or Little Big Planet for a while. Yeah, a little defeated. In some aspects of my life.

But not all.

When I started in animation college, things were looking rosy. There were loads of huge 2D studios producing features, loads more doing TV and video features. I was pretty much guaranteed a good job that would be a great training ground.

By the time I finished college, things were very different. Some studios were gone. Others downsized and relocated. Others still thought they were giants and yet were going down the crapper and wouldn't last much longer. And they didn't.

Simply put, my job prospects were buggered.

I saw a lot of people suffer major career hits at that time. Some people had spent years training in effects departments in large 2D studios, producing amazing work. These people had no place when the large studios fell. They became obsolete. Nobody could pay someone just to do the odd bit of water or fire. People who had perfected clean-up, waiting for their chance to move into animation, ended up competing for clean-up scraps with hundreds of others and most of their skills went to waste. Many moved out of the business. Even the animators were hit. The marketplace was flooded with animators looking for work, and there wasn't a huge amount of it to go round.

In my first few years in the business, I saw a lot of people forced out of it.

My timing seemed kind of crappy but it wasn't. Because it taught me very quickly to adapt. That I couldn't afford to specialise. And that I had to be pretty good at what I do because there will always be people looking for the same jobs I want.

I think this is more true now than ever. But when things go to shit there will still be work. People still want to be entertained. There's still work. There's just less of it. But if you're adaptable and good at what you do, that's not a problem, right?

Bring it on.

We are so tired

I say 'we' because 'I' just wouldn't get across how tired we are. It's not just me as in my consciousness that I think of as 'me'.

Every limb is tired. Every muscle. Every organ. Every cell. Every molecule. Every atom. Every quark and whatever goes beyond that.

Every part of me is tired. We... are tired.

That wouldn't be as much of a big deal if I could just stay in a dark room and wrap myself up in a blanket. But, like most people who are likely also tired, I have to go out into the world and pretend I am okay. Pretend I'm in control. Pretend that I care about so many petty little pointless things. Just so I can earn a living.

Well, I say earn a living but that would be as misleading as saying just 'I' am tired. I made the mistake of opening a bank statement at the weekend. I don't earn money. I lose money. At a rather ferocious rate. I'm likely to find myself up to my ass in debt very quickly.

Quicker actually, now that I have assumed the foetal position and my ass is so close to the ground.

It's such a strong word

I need a better way of doing speech balloons.


I am currently being driven insane. It's a direct psychological attack and is quite deliberate. They way it works is that I am told something is in a certain place... and then it's not. Sounds harmless enough but when it happens 62-68 times a day, it causes severe mental trauma. Word is, it's a CIA tactic and it's currently being used in Gitmo (great how we can joke about the illegal imprisonment and torture of people, eh? What a world we live in).


I often hear about systems in animation production. I know there must be places out there that don't exist in a constant state of chaos. I just haven't ever worked in one of them.

Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead!

Congrats to the USAers out there! I hope your vote brings about change for you guys and us in the rest of the world. Sure, it's just baby steps and I don't think for a moment that the world will suddenly become a better place but it's a step in the right direction in my opinion.

I remember seeing that meteor film years ago (no, not Armageddon, the other one) and thinking - okay, a giant meteor hitting Earth, I can buy, but a black President? Not a chance.

And you might think, bloody hell is it all about race? Do people even know what he stands for or anything? Can we let the black/white thing go? I'd understand that feeling but US has appeared to have been ruled by (and I mean ruled, not represented by) a rich old white boys club. And even those in the club who weren't white or men seemed to just be serving the interests of those rich old white men. So to have a man who isn't white or old in the forefront is a big deal. I honestly thought it wouldn't happen in my lifetime.

But there's the cronies, the corporate interests, paying off promises made for those campaign donations and so much will have been set in motion by Bush already that there is only so much that can change (you know, unless you guys want to tear down that system and create a better world for yourselves). So it's baby steps. But baby steps in the right direction.

You USAers are some of the most positive, warm and welcoming people on the planet. You deserve the best and deserve to be represented (not ruled) by the best. I wish you all good luck and congratulations on your election!

I hope it's too late for Fox to orchestrate election theft again.

Work is work

Animating in Flash is not something I bounce out of bed with a smile for. Not even close. This particular project was comprimised from day one by a severe lack of budget. That doesn't help.

But even if people are doing exactly what they say they want to do for a living, does anyone actually get up looking forward to go to work? Clowns perhaps? Ice-cream tasters? Pro-wrestlers?

I doubt it.

The whole idea of getting up and working for a living really stinks. I see it as a huge flaw in modern society. You see, by the Space Year Twenty Zero-Eight, we shouldn't have to work. We should have computers and robots doing all our work for us while we live in silver cities in the clouds, free to explore art, philosophy and so on. That's what's supposed to happen.

Of course, that can't happen until we completely tear this piece o' crap system down completely first. Because now, if you are replaced by a computer or robot, you're out on the street like a worthless bum, some rich sleazebag getting richer while you and your family rot in starvation. When that greed society is destroyed, someone who is replaced would be considered 'liberated' with our goal being to liberate every last person on the planet. Yeah, that's my dream - silver cities in the clouds.

Until that happens, I'll resist the introduction of an 'Animate Button', which some people seem to think already exists but it's only a matter of time before they are right, and resume staring at my screen, hoping for some divine intervention from an animation deity. Or fairy. I'm not fussy.