Why Battlestar Galactica is shit Part 1

Turns out this topic will take a while to get through so I think I'll split it over two posts.

I don't watch many shows on television. When I do, I like to watch things from start to finish - like one complete story. And that's why it infuriates me when shows that were once great go complete shit. And the Battlestar Galactica remake is one of those shows.

Battlestar had a very simple premise - their planet destroyed by Cylons, a group of humans must fight or evade the enemy while they search for their new home: Earth.

It's a basic survival story. Like a zombie movie only with robots and, em, space. Okay so it's not all that much like a zombie movie but it does share certain qualities - it puts the characters in constant danger with an ever-present threat and basically the stories came from how they reacted and cracked under that pressure. It's a premise that holds unlimited potential.

And the show opened with the pressure turned up to 11. Remember one of the first episodes where the Cylons would find them every 10 minutes or what ever it was? I'd check tv.com for the exact time but, every time they update their site, they break it. That was, to quote the poster for Point Break, 100% pure adrenalin.

To make things even better for Battlestar, the show had some fantastic characters. Starbuck was a total hardass with a real attitude. Adama was totally military, took no shit and was saved by his total distrust for the Cylons and unwillingness to update his ship. His second in command, an angry drunk only there because he had history with Adama. We had a stranded crewman evading Cylons back on Caprica, unaware that he was falling for one of them. We had Boomer, kind of sexy, but a ticking timebomb waiting to be activated. Chief Tyrol, trying to clear up the mess of battle and get them ready for the next attack down in the hangar bay. And a schoolteacher forced into the position of President, something she wasn't equipped for and made even more difficult by her battle with cancer.

Oh, and we had Adama's son who we all hoped wouldn't turn out to be a complete pussy. And Baltar, the cowardly traitor who oozed charisma.

Great characters and each with a clear, defined role to play in any given story. Worked perfectly with the premise.

And the icing on this Battlestar cake was the Cylons themselves. As the opening told us, and we saw in the pilot movie, they were created by humans, went off and made themselves look human and then unleashed hell on Caprica, killing billions and then pursuing Galactica to make sure they finish the job. And one of them was on the ship. You'd have a hard time creating a threat better than that. Like a whole race of Darth Vaders.

They were interesting too. Remember that one where Starbuck was interrogating one of them? They managed to write the enemy interesting enough that just him and Starbuck in a room kept the whole episode gripping.

The show ticked all the boxes you'll find in basic screenwriting books - a visible, dangerous antagonist, characters we can invest in and the stakes as high as possible. Almost a perfect setup.

And they really managed to milk it. The end of Season 1/beginning of Season 2, for me, is just about some of the best television. Certainly the best sci-fi I've seen.

So, towards the end of Season 4 (or 5 depending on who you ask), what have we got now?

We have a show with no enemies. Most of the Cylons are their buddies now, the rest we have no idea what they are doing. Nothing they have ever done in the show has seemed to make a lick of sense, contrary to the "they have a plan" bullshit that they kept in the opening sequence until even a blind ferret could see they clearly don't.

So we also have no pressure. No stakes. No goal. The ship and its Admiral are just sort of wandering around space. Looking for a home? Well, kind of. They don't really seem to be doing anything. The show has no point. No reason to exist. It its most basic level, it is now a show without a premise.

That should be reason enough to explain why it is shit but there's more, too much for one post, and I'll go into detail next time.

If only they knew

I wonder if the Wiggles guys get stressed? Or those Imagination Movers guys? I look at their shows and think - that must be fun. Is it a 'grass is always greener' scenario or are they really having as much fun as it seems?

We're making a nice little children's show. The end product should be rather pleasant. It should feel relaxed. Calming even.

But behind the scenes, there's a war going on. My sanity, an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire. I think this comes down to the lunacy of making shows one frame at a time. At its very core, animation is an act of total insanity. Back in the day, shrinks would have recommended lobotomies for those suffering from a severe case of animation. Okay so for a while they were throwing around lobotomies for a runny nose but the point still stands - animation is, technically speaking, nuts.

Loopy.

Bananas.

At least with the modern days of Flash, a missed mistake isn't a full-on apocalypse. It's easier these days to fix stuff. Back when I started, if you got notes back on a scene, you could be pretty sure you'd be starting from scratch. I once animated on a music video for someone rather famous. The whole animation sequence was planned out to match a live-action segment she was shooting. As it takes longer, we started the animation first and were close to finishing when the shoot took place. Well, she turned up to the shoot, decided to wear a different outfit and wouldn't let anyone tell her otherwise. The animation no longer matched and every frame had to be redrawn.

And now she's a withered old has-been so joke's on her, eh?

But back to now. As I write this, there is a document of required fixes that would take more time just to read than we have to fix them. I suspect we're in trouble.

Emotions and creativity

I think it might be just fatigue and work stress and the difficulties around that right now but I'm finding myself ever so slightly emotional at the moment. More specifically, I keep welling up at the thought of a short film idea I haven't written and will likely never make. Every time I think of it, well, this happens.

It's hard to know what to make of that.

I think I'll only know for sure when my life is a little more clear. When I've had a break, if the thought of that short film ends with the same reaction, I may be on to something. If not, it was a reaction to stress and nothing more.

Though I do think it's a good sign in one way. I have been creatively dead for a while now and I figured it would take this project finishing and a large gap before anything creative came back. But it seems things are happening in my little brain. Strange things.

Ah yes... the credits

Credits are so important to television and film.

But it's not like you'll pick up a toaster and see a list of people who were involved in making that toaster, is it? It's not like, when you stop at traffic lights, you can't go until you have viewed the names of everyone involved in the design and placement of that traffic system, is it?

But then they aren't totally ego-driven businesses. Or maybe they are. I don't know enough about 'real jobs' to be sure.

Credits do matter though. I guess, in this business, it's your C.V., your resume. In this current example, if you were a producer and liked the show and wanted the creative force behind it, you'd end up looking at the credits and hiring the writer.

And, in doing so, you could end up with the wrong guy.

What a lovely time of year

There are few things more soul-destroying in this world than waiting for a bus in wind and rain only to have it drive by full, splashing you as it goes. Not a good start to the day. I can't help feeling bus drivers take some sort of sadistic pleasure in covering you from head to toe in slushy mud. I sometimes think I can hear them cackling as the bus disappears around the corner.

I can't help feeling this wouldn't be an issue if I lived in the Caribbean.

Just time for some quick bragging

Snowed under today. Not literally - the snow here went all wet and slushy this morning. Nah, I mean with work. Crisis after crisis. On top of the current apocalypse, word from the next lined up project isn't good. Recessions, cutbacks, nerves and so on. Ah well. Feck it, eh? Who cares?

It's not all bad news. The most excellent Brian Sibley (author, broadcaster and more) had a caption contest over at his (also most excellent) blog - look ma!I won! (scroll down a bit) Go me! Thanks to Mr. Sibley for the image, the contest and introducing me to that Wordle thing, which is great.

Where it all went wrong...

Okay, so this isn't the only thing that happened with the production that led to the current panic/crisis/apocalypse. But it's one of the issues. Some parts, especially early on in scripting and production, just weren't as good as they should be. That's not uncommon. It takes a while for a project to find its feet.

It's how the producer deals with "hiccups" that's just baffling. Got a problem? Immediately assume those you work with are the enemy. That seems to be the strategy. Pre-emptive strike.

We are all the enemy.

But, yeah, that was just one of the problems. Another was in simply living in hope. There are some in certain roles who should have been let go right at the start but both the producer and the director, bless his optimistic soul, genuinely believed they would pull themselves up and really deliver. They didn't. He actually fought for a few people early on and put a lot of faith in them. Man, is he disillusioned now. Hence sleeping through important meetings at this point.

Bloody cold today. My freezing fingers are having a hard time finding their way around the keyboard.