Why I die inside

And I block out the worst stuff. Only hypnosis could bring me to dredge up the real gems that people have said over the years. That argument about the exploding cars went on for about four days. It really did.

I guess it could be worse - when they aren't arguing about shite, they're spoiling movies I haven't seen yet. And I haven't seen most movies yet.

I'm currently playing Siren Blood Curse. It scares the absolute bejesus out of me. Anyone playing it?

Divide and conquer

Around here, as soon as the director turns his back, the producer is looking for stuff. Incomplete cuts mostly, so he can upload them to an ftp site or whatever and show them to people who should never get to see incomplete cuts because they have difficulty in understanding the concept of 'incomplete'.

It's like the old line tester days. You'd show a client a pencil test and you'd get a look of horror followed by, "it will be in colour, right?"

So the producer 'steals' incomplete cuts from the animators or compositors and then forms a series of rather stupid questions. But that's just one aspect. I have noticed that the producer will often ask a director how long something will take. Unhappy with the answer, he'll ask individual animators who only ever know how long their own particular part will take. As that answer is shorter, the producer happily takes it and makes up new schedules.

Divide and conquer.

Life

Because the bush might have nice berries. Juicy ones. Or it might poisonous ones. And it could be prickly. But it doesn't matter either way, because you're just standing there. By a bush.

Okay, I have no idea what that meant either. I just drew me standing by a bush for some reason. Thought I might get some inspiration as I went on. Truth is, it's just very early on a Monday morning and I'm sleepy. My brain hasn't quite woken up yet.

Start of yet another week. I'm feeling a little lost at the moment. And the bin by my desk is full. What does it take to get a bin emptied around here?

An Amendment to this post:

I figured that perhaps the image would have more meaning if I added one more element. Still not sure what the meaning is though.

The hard part

I have so many projects I want to progress. I'm not saying they're all good. Actually, I'm not saying any of them are good. In fact they're likely all complete cack. But I have a lot of them.

The problems are, firstly, progressing them to a stage where I'm happy with them. While the ultimate goal is to see a show sold or made, or a book published or whatever, what I consider to be 'finished' is to have a damn good proposal with every element representing the project as best it can. Actually getting the time, keeping up the motivation and just getting it right make this a very daunting process. And it's so easy to wander on to the next idea.

The next set of problems come if that stage is ever reached - how to sell it. That's a whole different set of challenges and one I've been through many times.

But that first proposal stage is a tough place to get to. So many ideas. So many stories. So many characters. Too many. Far too many. It makes it very difficult to focus. My mind is shooting off in so many different directions. I just can't finish anything.

I guess that's one major reason all those rejections a while back really stung. I had managed to get a project to that proposal stage. It took a serious amount of hard work. Like, it totally made my brain tired. But I did it and was very happy with the result. And all I ended up with was a pile of stock rejections, a lot of wasted months, wasted paper. Just wasted.

And, since those rejections, it has been all the harder to get the motivation to bring the next project on.

Thing is, I've been here before. I pushed several shows early in my career. Made many mistakes. Faced many rejections. But eventually, I had a success. That's great, right? Well, yeah, okay maybe. But it seems to mean little in terms of selling something else.

Anyway, enough of that. I just want to progress some new projects. Finish them. Get proposals. Have someone like them. And make some shows. Or publish some books. Or manufacture a time machine. Any one of those will do.

But focus is a real problem.

What happens next...

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss. And so on.

How it all will end

Yeah, it's going to go something like this. Every molecule in my body will just give up through sheer boredom.

It's not that I'm not busy. I'm very busy. Just not on anything interesting.

Early morning scenes of carnage

Sleep has never really been my thing. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and then, well, this is what the morning looks like. I wake usually a few times a night and it's clear I did not have a calm, relaxing night.

It is like a battle took place around, and in, my bed.