Why Battlestar Galactica is shit Part 2

THAR BE SPOILERS AHEAD! Kind of. It references a couple of things that are happening on the show right now (as airing in the US and UK) but, actually, those references are pretty vague. If you're well into Season 4, you're probably okay. If you're Season 3 or earlier, AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE.

So a little more detail on why Battlestar Galactica is now shit.

The cracks really started to show in Season 3. That's the season where we could see the writers had been watching too much Lost. Forget that great premise and pressure they had set up. Yeah, the real money is in creating huge questions that can have no answer and then hitting with bombshells that make no sense. That's where it's at. The fans will theorise to death the random stuff you throw into your script so, effectively, they'll write the stories for you - everybody wins.

So they came up with the idea of their mysterious Final Five Cylons. They gave their characters visions left, right and centre. In a shocking twist, the Cylons decided to leave them alone. And then sort of changed their minds. For some reason.

The major problem with Lost-alike mysteries is that they create questions and scenarios that weren't initially accounted for by the writers. They drop those bombshells before working out what those bombshells actually are. So they simply can't make sense. And, yes, fans will try to connect unconnected dots but the problem in the actual show is that, in reality, the characters would be pointing out when things don't make sense. They would ask questions. So, in order to avoid throwing a huge spotlight on the nonsense, the characters have to act... out of character. This happened even in the first season of Lost. Big things would happen to characters and then those characters would tell nobody. Because, if they told people, the cracks would become obvious.

A whole island of people incapable of communication.

Same happened with Battlestar. Tigh is revealed to be a Cylon! Woah! Now, at this point, any normal human being would have sat him down and asked the obvious questions - but, eh, what about your service record that predates the "skin job" Cylons? How come I fought with you in the first Cylon war when they were just "toasters"? Isn't it a coincidence that you all ended up on Galactica? How come the other Cylons don't know who you are? What the frak is going on? Tigh himself should have asked these questions.

Nobody asked.

Totally obvious to those of us watching and I'm damn sure the writers asked themselves those questions too but, because they couldn't think of decent answers and were more tied to their mysteries and big reveals than making any damn sense at all, they had to keep the characters silent. They had to have every character on that show act in a way contrary to the way any human being would act.

Having the crew act out of character became standard. Often visions were written in to explain that. Lazy writing. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Want a character to do something for no other reason than to force your plot along? Write in a vision. Lazy.

The show we have now, towards the end of this season, is one based on character inconsistencies. Adama, the man who refused to have a network on his ship, who defended them from the Cylons, who was shot by one of them on his bridge, who witnessed the aftermath of the Cylon-run New Caprica now keeps his Cylon buddies close and has integrated their technology with his ships. His second in command turns out to be a Cylon and he lets him keep his position and they're still buddies. Why? Who the frak knows. Because the writers decided that for some reason. Totally and utterly against character. Doesn't quite fit with the knowledge that the Cylons have a history of infiltration and sabotage.

Tigh himself went as far as to arrange suicide bombers to attack the Cylons. They pulled out his eye. He even killed his wife because she collaborated with them. That's how much he hated the Cylons. And with good reason - they destroyed his entire planet and were intent on destroying Galactica.

But then he finds out he is one, doesn't even ask himself the obvious questions about that, and now he's all for this Cylon alliance. Totally and utterly against character.

Starbuck dies and comes back to life. Shhh... don't ask.

Let's not even start on whether the Cylons can or can't be differentiated from humans.

And the characters are where the real crime of Battlestar Galatica takes place. Remember the list of characters we had at the beginning of the show? Well, now let's look at what we have -

Starbuck has turned into a whiny nothing, serving only to push along a Lost-alike mystery. Adama is a Cylon collaborator with no purpose who just turned out to be a bit of a dick (he proved spectacularly in the last episode that he was on a par with Zarek and Gaeta). His second in command is a Cylon with no curiosity whatsoever who has done nothing but wander around the ship aimlessly since he found out. Boomer's gone. We got Athena instead and she has been in one or two mother shots in the last couple of seasons and that's it. Chief Tyrol, like Tigh, lost all reason for being the day he became a Cylon. He spent the whole of the last episode crawling around tubes just to give the actor something to do. The President is a complete and utter pain in the hole who just serves as a reminder of the awful deus ex machina the writers implemented because they didn't have the balls to let the cancer kill her.

Sure enough, Adama's son turned out to be a pussy. Oh, by the way, sci-fi council scenes are always boring. ALWAYS. They weren't interesting in the Star Wars prequels, the Matrix sequels or anywhere else. And Baltar, well, he was fun but they really had to scrape the barrel to find a role for him after his trial. And the messiah thing was shit. Helo, the once-stranded crewman, is now set dressing.

There isn't one character left that I could possibly give a crap about. They have no roles, no reason for being, nothing to react to. They are just pains in the ass, the lot of them.

And having a character you can invest in is a basic story requirement. This show is coasting on the investment people put in early on, when there were characters to invest in. Basic story requirement. If the writers had just glanced at the office copy of Screenwriting For Dummies, they'd have remembered that. But it's tough to read when your head is shoved up your ass while you ponder about Final Fives and other pointless mysteries.

So no decent characters, no threat, no pressure, no consistency. It's a dead show. Well done, Galatica writers. You took a great show and you killed it.

And that is why Battlestar Galactica is shit.


Just to finish, there is one area where Battlestar still shines: the music. Bear McCreary's score is amazing and has been since he began with the show. A totally unique score with so much heart. I don't think I would have stuck with the show this long without it - the visions drove me nuts but the music that went with them was usually fantastic. I bought the CDs of the first three seasons and will get the fourth as soon as it comes out. There's some beautiful stuff on them, with "Passacaglia" from Season 1 and "Something Dark Is Coming" from Season 2 being particular favourites. He has a blog here if you're interested. A fantastic composer.