Friday, April 25, 2008
Hitting my limit
I was always a B student who was prone to getting Cs. Not As. No, I was never that good. Never best at anything. But decent, and that meant high expectations. Why wasn't I getting As? Where did this C come from?
Of course the dumbass students who failed consistently got a bloody party any time they scraped a D.
But, now, my Bs, which slipped to Cs, have slipped all the way down to fail. I'm in a bigger pool. Of people with actual talent. I can't compete any more. I'm done.
And yet there is something oddly familiar about that feeling of inadequacy. It's almost comfortable. Like I'd rather be that fail student who gets the cake for just getting his name right on a paper.
The rejection I got yesterday didn't even come with a letter. It came with a card. A little rejection card.