Well, no. You see, the amount of pressure that puts me under is immense. It is just so difficult to actually write it. To put words down on those empty pages.
It's not that I'm blocked. I haven't even started. But I have pages and pages of notes and they keep on coming. No, I'm not blocked. I'm paralysed by the fear of being blocked.
And it's not that I think it's rubbish and doomed to fail. It's that I actually think it could be fantastic and, if it could be, what the hell are the chances that I could realise its potential? If it was a crap idea, it wouldn't be a problem - I could only make it better. A fail student has nothing to worry about. If he gets a D, everyone celebrates. This could be my A project but, if I don't get it right, the disappointment of a B or, even more likely, a C could be devastating.
I am afraid.
That's why I needed to find that article and video here on the Daily Grail, the site Red Pill Junkie posts on (thanks, RPJ!). Elizabeth Gilbert, author of something I've never read called "Eat, Pray, Love" (I'm not so much into praying but I'm all for the other two), has this whacked-out notion of external beings just being creative through us rather than us being creative or talented ourselves. And, as whacked-out as that may be, I love that idea. I love that idea because it just might relieve me of some of that pressure. It might allow me to just go ahead and do what I need to do.
To actually write some words.
In the past, those screenplays I've written with other people in mind or drafts people are interested in, have been like the twelve labours of Hercules, only I've failed at least eleven of them. The pressure makes all the difference.
Somehow, I have to disassociate myself from this script. Find a way to tell myself that it doesn't matter jack shit what the hell I write. Only then will I really be able to do it.