Thing about this screenplay is that this, through a strange combination of random events (a tale I'll likely tell in bits and pieces), has managed to get further than any script I've written. Things are already moving with it. And I haven't actually written any of it yet.Great, eh?
Well, no. You see, the amount of pressure that puts me under is immense. It is just so difficult to actually write it. To put words down on those empty pages.
It's not that I'm blocked. I haven't even started. But I have pages and pages of notes and they keep on coming. No, I'm not blocked. I'm paralysed by the fear of being blocked.
And it's not that I think it's rubbish and doomed to fail. It's that I actually think it could be fantastic and, if it could be, what the hell are the chances that I could realise its potential? If it was a crap idea, it wouldn't be a problem - I could only make it better. A fail student has nothing to worry about. If he gets a D, everyone celebrates. This could be my A project but, if I don't get it right, the disappointment of a B or, even more likely, a C could be devastating.
I am afraid.
That's why I needed to find that article and video here on the Daily Grail, the site Red Pill Junkie posts on (thanks, RPJ!). Elizabeth Gilbert, author of something I've never read called "Eat, Pray, Love" (I'm not so much into praying but I'm all for the other two), has this whacked-out notion of external beings just being creative through us rather than us being creative or talented ourselves. And, as whacked-out as that may be, I love that idea. I love that idea because it just might relieve me of some of that pressure. It might allow me to just go ahead and do what I need to do.
To actually write some words.
In the past, those screenplays I've written with other people in mind or drafts people are interested in, have been like the twelve labours of Hercules, only I've failed at least eleven of them. The pressure makes all the difference.
Somehow, I have to disassociate myself from this script. Find a way to tell myself that it doesn't matter jack shit what the hell I write. Only then will I really be able to do it.
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8 comments:
No inspirational words to offer but hope you can do whatever you need to do to get on with the screenplay.
It is true that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single pace. How difficult it is to actually accomplish that one apparently insignificant effort.
My advise: Bribe your lazy bitch of a muse :)
PS: And forget all that shite you were taught about prayer. It is not a mindless repetition of a litany or trying to tune in with some invisible sky man that resides in the stratosphere; it should be about getting in contact with our inner self, as casually and informal as that sounds.
You're on the right lines with trying to convince yourself that it doesn't matter. One thing that I find again and again is that I produce my best work when I just stop worrying about it. I think it's a case of disconnecting the left side of your brain to leave the right side free to create. Not an easy thing to do when you care about what you're working on.
I hope you manage to keep on with it though :)
Unless you're writing it in a Starbucks or some other equivalent neo-bohemian acid jazz from the stereo burnt bean water bolo tie and beret adorned coffee house, what you have there is a script.
If only. All I have now are a hell of a lot of blank pages.
Just start writing, even if it's coming out garbage. Then, once you've finished, go back over it imagining you have to fix somebody else's crappy script.
It's about comic writing but has some great advice in it: http://www.ehow.com/how_2283882_be-creative-comic-book-writer.html
hope this helps
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