Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The need for... something
Thanks for all the kind bloggiversary words, all! They mean a great deal.
I'm finding life generally overwhelming at the moment. Work is nuts. It turned out to be a far bigger production than the studio expected. The upside to that is that it is a better quality show than the one I initially signed up for. The downside is that we are all fraying at the edges, there is too much to keep track of and we're always several steps behind the chaos of production.
But, on top of that, I always have so much more going on. I think it's part of some creative personality. I commit to far too much and I have this constant drive to create and produce... stuff. Right now, on top of the daily job, I'm actually getting some money to develop something I have no time at all to develop. I have another project that I see as being the key to my future that I have no time at all to develop. And then I just keep on doing these extra things on the side. The need for... well, something. What is it? I'm not quite sure. Is it just a need to create?
I haven't had a holiday since I can't remember when. Long before I ever started this blog. Weirdly, my bosses wouldn't have had a huge problem with me taking a holiday but I could see the impact it would have on production myself and kept putting it off until production settled down. What the hell is with that?! It's not like I own the bloody company. Is that some sort of insanity?
And home life is no sanctuary.
So it's a bit like those claw machines right now. So many things to grab and yet those stupid claws are utterly useless. I'm getting old. I'm seriously thinking of letting go of the claw machine and playing a bit of Street Fighter instead. Allowing myself to take it easy for a while, or as easy as life will let me. Which isn't actually all that easy.
I have commited to far too much.
And yet, I know if I were off playing Street Fighter, I'd find myself drawn back to that poxy claw machine. It's got to be some sort of personality disorder.