Friday, October 17, 2008

If I were Captain...

Yeah... that's what I'd do. If I were Captain. Make Spock perform his duties in nothing but a thong. You all know you'd want to see that. Picture it. Picture it now - his Vulcan butt crack. Yeah, get a good picture of it in your mind.

Or picture the women in their shortest possible skirts. Your choice.

I think I'd make a good Captain. I'm no Shatner obviously (who is?) but I can rip my shirt and start a fight with the best of them. And I'm a devil with the ladies. In my mind.

Back to those new Trek images yesterday, notice how the uniforms have that chainmail/scale pattern on them. That seems to define modern costume design - Spiderman was given them. Superman too. And... probably others. And now the Star Trek crew. Just take the existing design, add scales and, BAM, you've got a modern 'reimagining'. It's very now. To steal from Harry Shearer in A Mighty Wind, it turns retro... to nowtro.

Among the costume design community (a small but militant group I've heard), I think it's going to be something they look back on and wonder what the hell they were thinking. And in a few years time, some poor new costume designer is going to throw scales on to their latest creation and be laughed out of it - scales are so over. Did Iron Man have scales? I don't think so but I can't quite remember. If not, I bet that movie doesn't date as badly as Spiderman among the costume design community.

But, as Sephim pointed out in the comments of yesterday's post, it should have been velour.

Always velour.

Yes, even Iron Man.


Red Pill Junkie said...

But if you were Captain, wouldn't you do something about that god-damned chair you have to put your sore ass on every frigging day??

Seriously, that thing must be the most uncomfortable piece of furniture in the whole galaxy.

Maybe that's what made Kirk behave so impulsively: Yeah, let's explore that planetoid that might be full of wild exotic aliens; ANYTHING to give my butt a rest!!!

PS: I'm an Industrial Designer, those are the things I notice... well, that and the skirts ;-)

Anonymous said...

It's all in the body language, red.

At no time was Shatner not sitting in that chair looking like a loaf of freshly baked bread.

Sure, the frame of the captain's chair makes it appear about as comfortable as a dildo made of razor blades, but you can bet those cushions are stuffed with double-cheese burgers and marshmallow.